Politics is a very dirty game indeed. Your best friend can be your worst enemy as hugs and kisses are followed by a stab in the back from your trusted ally. It is also however, an industry like no other. Imagine having the power to decide what time the pubs should close, or how expensive a packet of cigarettes should be. Imagine having the power to order a drone strike on absolutely anyone you choose in the name of, ‘national security.’
If you’re the sort of person that likes to make big decisions that affect lots of people (not always in a good way), then becoming Prime Minister might be just the job for you. Here’s how you do it:
Join a political party
Your best bet at becoming Prime Minister is to join one of the main political parties if you’re hoping to wield power in the UK. This means joining either The Conservative Party, The Labour Party, The Liberal Democrats, or perhaps you’d be prepared to try your luck with one of the smaller parties like UKIP. You’ll have to start on the bottom rung as a party activist and you’ll also need to be prepared to get more doors slammed in your face than a Jehova’s Witness selling pegs and Ironing board covers.
Become a Member of Parliament
Eventually over the passage of time, you might end up getting the chance to be elected to parliament where your time will be spent asking the odd question in the House of Commons and fiddling your expenses. In order to become an MP, you’ll need to be a British Citizen, over 18 years of age and not bankrupt (mainly financially but if you can at all help it – morally as well despite the popular perception of MPs these days).
Become party leader
There are various ways you can become the party leader. If you’re a member of the party that is currently in power, a good move might be to dig up some dirt on the current Prime minister and then push for a leadership contest. It will ultimately save you having to win an election on your own merit. Alternatively, you can wait until your party loses an election and then enter the leadership race when the current Prime minister steps down.
Close your Social Media account
Attending your college ball dressed as a, ‘blacked up,’ Mr. T. might have seemed quite funny when you were at university, but it might be frowned upon by the electorate. You’ll need to close all your social media accounts and get rid of any photos that show you smoking anything other than salmon over charcoals at a family barbecue.
Get on with the Queen
She has the final say as to who gets appointed according to the constitution, so you’ll need to convince her that spending half an hour sipping tea with you once a week won’t be a bore-fest. It also helps if the Corgis like you as well apparently……