Unfortunately you have once again fallen foul of workplace disciplinary procedures and unemployment – rather than being a word the government uses to describe a segment of the population that is currently out of work, now refers to you.
All is not lost however, as new opportunities exist around the corner.
Have you ever thought of becoming a Superstar DJ?
If playing the latest dancefloor, ‘bangers,’ in front of 50,000 people in Ibiza sounds like the sort of career you wouldn’t mind having, then here’s what you’ll need to do to become the next David Guetta:
Get on a plane to Ibiza
You’ll have to spend an entire summer out on the party isle before you can even begin to have a hope of landing that dream gig at Space. Remember, this won’t be an opportunity for you to spend all day on a sun lounger catching rays, you’re going there to sort your life out after getting sacked, so please act accordingly……
Network like a street ho’
Some people find it easier to do this than others, but it’s important to realise that the Superstar DJ world is no different to any other industry. You may have a better ear for a choon than Tiesto, but unless you know the people that will help you along on your quest for a Lady Ga Ga remix, you might as well be playing Black Lace’s greatest hits at the local working men’s club in a little village on the outskirts Grimsby.
Do your own thing
The next Swedish House Mafia? Calvin Harris? Forget it. Your success will be determined by your ability to find your own style and voice. Nobody wants to hear the next Swedish House Mafia or Calvin Harris because we already have The Swedish House Mafia and Calvin Harris. You’ll need to spend time creating your own style and sound if you want to create a lasting impression.
Play anywhere and everywhere
Chances are your first few gigs probably won’t be at Pacha or DC-10. This doesn’t however mean that they’re without value. Every venue and gig you play will aid you on your quest for a Grammy, so take everything that’s offered – within reason.
Produce your own tracks
Superstar DJs are Superstar DJs because of more than just their ability to switch on a laptop and wear a pair of headphones around their neck. Most of the big guys tend to produce records as well. You’ll therefore need to download some sequencing software and start putting some loops together because it’s arguably the best way for you to get discovered.
Versatility is key
You’ll need to take on board the fact that playing at Crazy Jimmy’s beach bar will require a different approach to playing the main room at Amnesia. The best way to get a bad reputation for yourself is by not being sensitive to the needs of the venue. On that note, perhaps you should wait to play a bigger venue before bringing along a lighting rig that has the equivalent power of the sun and a pyrotechnic display to rival the Hiroshima bomb.
Professionalism is key
The trashing of hotel rooms and riders that include dwarves in clown suits carrying trays of cocaine around are a thing of the past (for most DJs). It pays to be professional. If your only reason for becoming a DJ is to get free drinks at the bar, you should maybe consider becoming a pub landlord.
Promote your own night
Find a venue you like and headline your own night there. It’s yours to do as you like and might help you to generate an audience for yourself. Just be mindful of the fact that you’ll have to be as au fait with your figures as you are with your basslines if you want to make any money.
Work, work and work some more
Expect to do 10 gigs a week for next to no money at first before you win at the DJ awards. Your quest for the top will require considerably more focus than the amount you put in at your last job.
Avoid freebies like the plague
Free gigs should be handled in the same way you would handle radioactive dog poo – you wouldn’t. You’re a future superstar DJ remember. They should pay you just for using the toilet at the venue – never mind your discerning choice of dancefloor bangers. Keep going and don’t give up!