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social media - The W1nners' club

“GET OUT OF BED YOU LAZY SO-AND-SO! IT’S TWO O’CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON!”

Is this something that you hear often these days?

Being unemployed is hard because finding ways to fill the time you have at your disposal can be difficult now that you don’t have a boss to annoy you every day. You’ll therefore need to find an alternative way to pass the hours until your next employment position materialises.

Have you ever considered setting up your own social media website?

You’ll get to spend your days hanging out with the sort of people that think ruby and python have got absolutely nothing to do with precious stones and large snakes.

If paying very little corporation tax sounds like it could be a bit of a laugh, here’s what you’ll need to do to become successful:

1.    Go to college

 

Preferably one of the prestigious Ivy league ones in the US if possible. Your aim in the beginning will be to try to find a way to get your fellow students engaged online by comparing pictures of each other and working out who is the best looking among you. We suggest you use the website Hot or Not as your inspiration as many other successful social media platforms like Facebook and YouTube were based on the same initial concept.

2.    Give it a catchy name

 

Here’s a list of some of the most successful Social Media channels around today:

Facebook            2,010,000,000

YouTube              1,500,000,000

Instagram            700,000,000

Twitter                328,000,000

Reddit                  250,000,000

Pinterest             175,000,000

Tumblr                 115,000,000

Flickr                     112,000,000

Google+               111,000,000

LinkedIn               106,000,000

Apart from the eye-wateringly huge numbers of monthly users, do you notice anything else about them that’s significant?

That’s right – they all have cool names.  It’s a moot point as to how important a name is in building a kick-ass social media platform, but it’s safe to say that giving your social media website an uninventive name like ‘Social Media Website’ might not be sufficient to get the early adopter traffic that you’ll need to break into the big time.

3.    Keep Schtum

 

As one would expect, having a chat with someone about what a cool idea it would be to create a social media website that allows you to watch videos whilst sending a message that is no more than 140 characters long, that also allows you to turn pictures of yourself into a cartoon dog whilst hailing a cab – might give the person you had the chat with the wrong idea about who owns the multi-billion dollar company you go on to create as a result. Silicon Valley is filled with tales of the friend of a friend that had a dream about creating a website, but who then goes on to sue anybody that gets rich from the website that appeared in his dream. It’s therefore best to keep your brilliant idea to yourself if you can!

4.    Move to Silicon Valley

 

………because ‘Snapchat based in Grimsby, North East Lincolnshire,’ doesn’t sound quite as sexy does it?

5.    Get some investment

 

Now that you’re quickly becoming the hottest thing on the web, you’ll need a bit more than your old laptop to run your website from. Software Engineers, data storage servers and of course the obligatory office water cooler all cost money, so you’ll need to start hanging round with venture capitalists to see if they’ll be kind enough to invest in your business to help you take it to the next level. We suggest you watch lots of episodes of Shark Tank and Dragon’s Den to get a steer on how to pitch for investment funds.

6.    Set up an international headquarters in Dublin

 

There’s something about the Irish capital that multi-national, multi-billion dollar tech titans love. We figure that it must be either having the best tasting Guinness in the world on your doorstep, or being able to pay less tax than U2 after a visit to their financial advisor – but we can’t work out which……?

7.    Launch an IPO

 

An IPO or, initial public offering Is your next step now that you’re the online equivalent of Starbucks. You’ll now get the chance to sell off some of your stock so that you can either retire early or raise additional investment for the next chapter of your website’s growth. This should be fairly straightforward in theory as long you make sure that whatever figure your tech titan is now valued at ends with the suffix ‘illion’ and doesn’t have the words, Lire, Pesetas or Drachma after it.

8.    Increase your traffic to a billion monthly users

 

If Mark Zuckerberg and his team at Facebook can do it, why can’t you?

Good luck!

 

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