Oh well, it’s finally happened hasn’t it? In all honesty you knew that they’d been trying to manage you out of the company for months. For a start, all your colleagues were told not to hang out with you after work so the writing had been written on the wall for ages. The question that you now have to answer is what will you do next? Getting sacked isn’t the best way to leave a job for obvious reasons, so you’ll need to be creative when you make your next career move.
Have you ever thought about becoming a professional cricketer? The pay is pretty good and you’ll get to spend your days looking like an effeminate Morris dancer.
If constantly asking single word questions like ‘Howzaaaat?’ at the top of your voice sounds like it could be a blast, here’s what you’ll need to do to become a professional cricket player:
1. Learn to play the sport
If you know people that regularly play cricket, ask them if they’d be kind enough to teach you. You should also watch televised games so that you become familiar with the rules. Be aware however that the one thing people who regularly play cricket hate doing is teaching somebody that’s always laughed at them in the past for playing cricket – how to play cricket.
2. Get some whites and safety equipment
You’ll need to acquire a polo shirt and a pair of long white trousers, you’ll also need a pair of cleats (shoes) to help you run at a decent pace. Depending on which position you’ll be playing in, you’ll have to have gloves, a helmet, shin pads and of course – the all important box (to protect your nether regions for those of you that have never had an unfortunate collision with a cricket ball in the past).
3. Get tooled up
This is not a reference to the use of firearms (although the aforementioned could come in handy when playing against the Aussies) – you’ll need to obtain equipment so that you can play the game. You’ll therefore need the following: Six stumps, four bails, two cricket bats and one red cork cricket ball.
4. Join an amateur cricket club
Try to join your local cricket team if there is one nearby as this will be the best way for you to get some much needed practice in. Established clubs also have the necessary equipment and facilities alongside registered umpires to help you play in a properly structured environment. The alternative is to try and play with your mates but you can rest assured that if you’re the only one who doesn’t know how to play the game, you’re a dead cert to be the umpire for the majority of the match!
5. Practice, practice, practice……
………and then practice some more! Professional cricketers only get about five weeks off per year and are busy training the rest of the time. Whilst the ashes is a fairly insignificant looking trophy, it’s considered rather important in cricketing terms and you won’t get to win them if you can’t mix it with the very best.
6. Get some professional coaching
Although time consuming and expensive, it may help you to progress far quicker than you would without one.
7. Stand out from the crowd
You’ll need to specialize your training in a specific area of expertise if you want to get noticed. Bowlers should practice their throwing as often as possible, wicket keepers should practice catching and batsmen should practise walking back to the pavilion after being bowled out!
8. Join a competitive regional team
This will help you to take your training to the next level and also get noticed by professional selectors. It’s important that you demonstrate your ability to work well as part of a team or the selectors may not want you on board no matter how talented you are. (Please note: The term selector in this instance has no relationship whatsoever with a disc jockey that specializes in playing reggae music).
9. Attend open try outs
Now that you’re a seasoned performer on the semi-professional circuit, you’ll need to take things up a notch and go for a try out with a professional team. Get talking with recruiters for the pro teams and check online for which clubs are staging try outs. The competition will be tough but with the dedication of a springbok that is running from a pack of hungry lions and a slice of good luck, you just might get to be the opening batsman at Lords one day.