Monday mornings in the workplace can be particularly challenging – especially when you’ve been at a music festival all weekend and have managed to consume enough illegal narcotics to get one of your urine samples reclassified as an illegal narcotic in its own right. If you didn’t have to go in to work until Tuesday afternoon, the recovery period after a festival wouldn’t be quite so challenging, but when there are market share reports to do, clients to email and revenues to be earned, trying to recover from a hard-partying weekend can be an absolute nightmare.
Just imagine if you didn’t have to go in!
Imagine living in a world where remembering your first name wasn’t necessary for a good 24 hours after leaving the dance tent on a Sunday evening!
Alas, this is something you’ll be able to do now since you unfortunately weren’t able to remember your first name, or indeed how many fingers your boss was holding up upon turning up to the office looking like an extra from the hit 1990’s rave scene movie Human Traffic after a particularly debauched weekend.
You’ll now have to find yourself another job as a result.
Have you ever considered creating an international banking dynasty?
You’ll get to build some of the most opulent palaces that the world has ever seen as a result.
If lending money to governments to engage in fisticuffs with other countries sounds like it could be a bit of laugh – here’s what you’ll need to do to create your own version of the Rothschild banking dynasty:
1. Gain some foreign currency exchange market knowledge
Amschel Moses Rothschild was a money changer who had supplied coins for the Prince of Hesse, a north European dynastic monarch. Money changing was a profession that, as the name suggests, involved the exchange of coins or currency of one country for that of another one. The trade is generally considered to be the origin of modern banking in Europe, so not a bad place to start if you’re thinking of building your own banking dynasty. Obviously – the financial markets are a bit more complex these days, but you get the drift about knowing a little bit about foreign currency exchange!
2. Get five mates on board that you trust
Amschel Moses Rothschild had a son called Mayer Amschel Rothschild, who is widely regarded as being the high priest of international banking. Mayer oversaw the ascent of the Rothschild family to the pinnacle of international banking when he developed a finance business and spread his empire by installing each of his five sons in the five main European financial centres to conduct business namely: Frankfurt, Vienna, London, Naples and Paris. Whilst you probably won’t have the time on your hands to wait to give birth to five sons before setting up an international banking dynasty, recruiting five close mates that you trust should suffice.
3. Create a coat of arms
No self-respecting international banking family is complete without a kick-ass coat of arms, so consider how yours might look if you get your mate that’s quite good with in-design to make one up for you. The Rothschild dynasty coat of arms contains a clenched fist with five arrows symbolising the five dynasties established by the five sons of Mayer Rothschild, so yours could feature a p45 from your previous employer to symbolise the moment you got sacked from your job!
4. Be smart with how you manage your money
During the middle ages, court factors who were the Jewish bankers employed to provide financial services to the European nobility houses often lost large fortunes as a result of localised strife or expropriation because their financing was tied into the fortunes of the European nobility they were associated with. Mayer Rothschild however, changed the game significantly by ploughing the Rothschild fortune into financial instruments that circulated the world as stocks, bonds and debts. This allowed them to insulate their property from local violence: “Henceforth their real wealth was beyond the reach of the mob, almost beyond the reach of greedy monarchs,” according to the historian Paul Johnson. Whilst you’re unlikely to lose any of your international banking fortune because a greedy monarch has decided to appropriate your funds, you should consider carefully who you lend money to – especially the ex-boss who sacked you for turning up to work off your face after being at a festival all weekend!
5. Keep it in the family
Mayer Rothschild successfully kept his fortune in the family with marriages that were carefully arranged and were often between first or second-cousins; a practice that was similar to the royal intermarriages of the time. This enabled him to maintain a level of secrecy about the size of the family fortune and where it was all hidden so that no one would be able to try and steal it. You on the other hand, will need to get your five mates that are controlling your banking dynasty to make sure that they don’t end up in bed with anyone dodgy – a damn near impossible task if your mates are anything like the people we have working here at The W1nners’ Club!
6. Get some hereditary titles under your belt
Five lines of the Austrian branch of the Rothschild family were elevated into the Austrian nobility, receiving the titles of Barons of the Habsburg Empire from Emperor Francis II in 1816. Another line of the British branch of the family was elevated by Queen Victoria, who granted them two hereditary titles of Baronet in 1847 and Baron in 1885. Whilst getting a hereditary title isn’t as easy these days as it maybe once was, consider the fact that David Cameron awarded his hairdresser an MBE in 2014 for “services to hairdressing,” so you might be in with a chance of at least some kind of national recognition if you’re a bit tasty with a pair of clippers!
7. Finance a few international conflicts
Nathan Mayer Rothschild was almost single-handedly responsible for financing the British war effort during the Napoleonic wars. Through an elaborate network of agents, shippers and couriers, he organised the shipment of gold bullion to the Duke of Wellington’s armies across Europe as well as arranging the payment of British financial subsidies to its continental allies. In 1815 alone, the Rothschilds provided £9.8 million (£6.58 billion, €8,34 billion or US$10.1 billion when using average earnings) in subsidy loans to Britain’s allies. Depending on the success of your banking dynasty therefore, you may find that you’ll have to at least get the beers in if a few of your mates decide to have a vociferous disagreement in the beer garden of a Gastropub one bank holiday weekend with a group of rowdy lads wearing foreign football shirts!
8. Be somewhat in the know
The Rothschild family network was able to provide Nathan Rothschild of the London branch of the bank with a continual flow of political and financial information ahead of his peers during the 19th century. This gave him an advantage in the markets and also served the added purpose of rendering the house of Rothschild invaluable to the British government. One example is that the family network enabled Nathan to receive news of Wellington’s victory at the Battle of Waterloo a full day before the British government did. You will therefore also need to be able to supply the powers-that-be with juicy titbits of information if your international banking dynasty is going to flourish – we suggest you aim to provide something a bit more substantial than hot tips from your mate who works as a bookie however!
9. Consolidate your power in the City of London
First – you’ll need to acquire some plush new offices at 2 New Court in St. Swithin’s Lane, City of London. Then you’ll need to issue bonds for government loans as the main operation of your bank’s business. By 1825–26 N M Rothschild & Sons were able to supply enough coin to the Bank of England to enable it to avert a market liquidity crisis and you too will need to ensure you’ve got more cash than anyone you know to stay on top. This will of course depend on who you know – so if you hang around with the sort of people that like to go out in the City of London on most nights of the week, you may find that most of their money gets spent in clubs like Reflex and Babble City rather than being lent to skint governments.
10. Fund a few major 19th century businesses
Okay – this will of course be impossible unless your family network knows someone that can build a time machine, but the Rothschild family capital was responsible for some of the major businesses of the 19th century such as: Alliance Assurance (1824) (now Royal & Sun Alliance), Chemin de Fer du Nord (1845), The Rio Tinto mining company (1873), Eramet (1880), Imerys (1880) and the De Beers mining corporation (1888). The name of Rothschild became synonymous with extravagance and great wealth and in 1909, British Chancellor of the Exchequer Lloyd George claimed that Lord Nathan Rothschild was the most powerful man in Britain.