Dark days lie ahead my friend. Your bank balance will soon start to resemble a telephone number – except it will have a minus in front of the number in question. Your teeth will slowly become stained by tobacco as your entire day involves nothing more than smoking roll-up cigarettes and crying loudly because it has finally dawned on you just how silly you were to get sacked for telling a customer to ‘go f*ck themselves,’ simply because you were hungover and in no mood for complaints – even though you worked in customer service.
You have joined the ranks of the unemployed and your mission hence forth will be to replace your old job with a new pursuit to help you restore your old pride again.
Have you ever considered creating your own cryptocurrency?
Bitcoin has made millionaires out of people that had less money in the bank than you do at the moment and you won’t have to pay 50p to your local off licence every time you buy cheap cider just because you haven’t spent £5 on your debit card.
If buying and selling heavy firearms and illegal narcotics online without getting caught by law enforcement sounds like it could be a bit of a blast, here’s what you’ll need to do to create your own cryptocurrency:
1. Identify your target market
The great misnomer about cryptocurrencies is that people think it’s all about getting technical straight away and writing the code first. What you have to remember is that cryptocurrencies exist to service a particular need so, as with most things it’s about how well you position your new cryptocurrency with a particular audience. Your aim therefore should be to find a community and build a currency around them rather than building a currency and expecting the Winklevoss twins to start buying it up in huge quantities.
2. Entirely new blockchain or Bitcoin fork?
This is not a reference to using cryptocurrencies instead of standard kitchen utensils – what we mean here is: are you going to create your new cryptocurrency entirely from scratch with entirely new code devised by you or are you going to use existing open-source code as a template? If you’re a bit of a super geek and know how to build code from scratch, you might want to create an entirely new blockchain so that you can add your own unique features such as privacy or security etc. Alternatively, the creation of a bitcoin fork allows you to use the code of the closest coin that has the features you need and then tweak it a little bit.
3. Clearly define your USP
Launching a new cryptocurrency is a bit like launching a new soap detergent or aftershave – the marketplace is already flooded with them, so you’ll need to find a unique selling point that will increase the likelihood of its overall adoption.
4. Research the community
Like we said earlier, within the problems of the community you’re serving lies the route to cryptocurrency success. Find out what your intended community’s pain points are and incorporate this problem into your thinking when deciding which features to add. For example, if you’re looking to cater for the international drug trafficking community – anonymity might be a major plus!
5. Build a prototype
Have you ever tried to explain what colour is to someone that has been blind since birth? If you have, you’d know that it’s not that easy if you don’t have a similar frame of reference. Explaining a new cryptocurrency is also a bit tricky if people aren’t able to see exactly what it is that you’re referring to. You’ll therefore need to build a prototype to avoid you having to do the equivalent of asking someone to imagine what the nothingness before the big bang was like, as it might help you to sell the idea a bit more easily.
6. Test for weaknesses
It’s time to put your hacker’s hat on because you’ll need to try to get a steer on any potential weaknesses your cryptocurrency might have if hackers attempt to steal people’s coins. You’ll have to find and address vulnerabilities and security threats because building protections and nurturing the development of your currency will give your coin legitimacy and trust in the eyes of the wider public. Let’s be honest – the last thing anybody wants is to trade in their life savings for something that has all the financial security of lending money to a crack cocaine user!
7. Get a few miners on board
Whilst people with Welsh or South Yorkshire accents that wear hard hats and are often covered in soot tend to be more readily associated with mining – the mining we’re talking about involves the process of actually creating coins. Cryptocurrency coins can be mined using computer software and the miners basically download a program that uses the computer’s power to calculate certain data processes, then based on how much data they process, the miners in turn get paid for doing that work in whatever cryptocurrency it is that is being mined. We wonder how Arthur Scargill would cope organising a miner’s strike for that lot!
8. On board some merchants
You’re doing well so far. You’ve conceptualised your currency, you’ve got a prototype and there are miners willing to suffer extortionate electricity bills in the hope of earning a return on all their hard work. Now all you have to do is give your currency some real value by making it available to spend in return for goods and services. As you can well imagine, your currency won’t be any use for purchasing a rocket propelled grenade launcher or 200lb of Semtex if the seller only accepts bitcoin.
9. Find investors
This is where the big bucks get made. If everybody starts to see your new cryptocurrency as a great way to make transactions, its value will steadily start to increase providing you limit its supply. All we ask is that you avoid any catastrophes like James Howells from Newport in Wales who accidentally threw away an old laptop that contained over $100 million worth of bitcoins and is trying to get the local council to allow him to dig to retrieve it!