W1nners’ Club Problem Page – ‘I want to be a garbage collector!’

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – ‘I want to be a garbage collector!’

  Dear Darcus, I earn £320,000 a year before bonuses, I drive a Maserati and have a holiday home in St. Lucia. My kids both attend one of the country’s most prestigious public schools and whilst I’m extremely proud of my success, I’ve always wanted to be a garbage collector. There’s something about being in…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page: Committing Acts of Violence On Staff Members

W1nners’ Club Problem Page: Committing Acts of Violence On Staff Members

  Dear Darcus, I have noticed that recently I have had lots of extremely dark fantasies about hitting members of my team. Whenever an employee comes to ask me a question the first thoguht that pops into my mind is how much I’d like to punch the individual in question on the nose no matter…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Going, ‘Commando,’ in the office

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Going, ‘Commando,’ in the office

  Dear Darcus, We have just hired a new team member who is a mature lady of 55 years of age. So far her work and experience have been nothing short of a total asset to the team except for one small problem – she refuses to wear underwear during work hours. To compound matters…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Compassionate Leave

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Compassionate Leave

  Dear Darcus, One of my team has just sent me an email asking for compassionate leave because their pet hamster died this morning. Apparently the hamster got electrocuted when it broke free from its cage before attempting to nibble the wire on the satellite TV box in the team member’s front room. The hamster…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Signing off expenses

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Signing off expenses

  Dear Darcus, I’ve just been asked by a member of my team to sign off their expenses and noticed an entry for Busty Brenda’s massage parlour in Soho. How do I question them about this without incriminating myself for being there on the same evening?   Dear Reader, I often get letters of this…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Toilet Breaks

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Toilet Breaks

  Dear Darcus, A member of my team takes no less than ten, ten minute toilet breaks per day minimum. Should this unliaterally acquired annual leave be amortised through a reduced lunch hour, or should I simply dock the skiver’s wages?   Dear Reader, Obviously, staff should be free to use the toilet when they…

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W1nners’ club Problem Page – A thief in the office

W1nners’ club Problem Page – A thief in the office

  Dear Darcus, £130 has gone missing from the petty cash tin. Everybody knows who did it because the individual in question has just paid off a bar tab that he’s owed for months. What should I do?   Dear Reader, It would appear you have a serious problem in your office. Nobody – repeat,…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Dodgy Sales Team

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Dodgy Sales Team

  Dear Darcus, I’ve just noticed my sales team have been hitting their bonuses for the last 3 quarters in succession – does this mean they are good at their jobs, or fraudulently swindling clients?   Dear Reader, Whilst I’m sure your company has a robust recruitment policy and you take all the necessary due…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Punctuality

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Punctuality

  Dear Darcus, A person on my team has the equivalent punctuality of the Southern Rail service from Tattenham Corner to London Bridge when there’s a strike on. How do I get them to change their ways and learn the art of using an alarm clock?   Dear Reader, Time keeping can appear unimportant to…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Office Stalker

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Office Stalker

  Dear Darcus, I’m afraid I may have an office stalker. A member of my team constantly buys me cups of tea from the canteen and even buys me a card every Christmas and birthday. Should I be flattered by such unwarranted attention, or a little bit spooked by it all?   Dear Reader, Adulation…

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