W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I wish my staff would hate me and bully me

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I wish my staff would hate me and bully me

  Dear Darcus, I really wish my staff would hate me and bully me a bit. I am the founder of a tech unicorn that has recently been floated on the stock exchange and because I gave shares in the company to everyone that works here – my entire staff think I’m amazing. They always…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I wish I worked for my competitors

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I wish I worked for my competitors

Dear Darcus, I have recently developed the habit of sneaking into our main competitors’ sales conferences and stealing as much company literature as possible. Then, when I get home I photoshop my face onto their company photographs so that I can stare at them when i’m feeling bored at work, imagining what it would be…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I can’t help crying in the office

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I can’t help crying in the office

  Dear Darcus, I can’t help crying in the office because I love being at work so much. I know it’s a bit weird, but when I see office items such as my computer monitor screen, my desk organiser, the photocopier and my computer mouse when I turn up for work every morning, I can’t…

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W1nners Club Problem Page – My colleagues think i’m tight fisted

W1nners Club Problem Page – My colleagues think i’m tight fisted

  Dear Darcus, My colleagues at work think I’m tight fisted. They may have a point in that I refuse to buy umbrellas to protect me from the rain and instead I use a 5p carrier bag to protect my head from the bad weather (it’s the same carrier bag I use for shopping B.T.W.)…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I have a thing for serial killers

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – I have a thing for serial killers

  Dear Darcus, I am mildly ashamed to say that I have a real thing for serial killers. I work in the accounts payable department of a building supplies firm in Guildford so as you can imagine, I don’t get to meet many serial killers as most of them are either in jail or haven’t…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Arrested at work

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Arrested at work

    Dear Darcus, I’ve just been promoted to the position of Trading director in my company and unfortunately, the day after I was told that I had been promoted, the police came into the office and arrested me for the non-payment of a parking fine. I assumed it was for a more serious offence…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Constantly aroused in the office

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Constantly aroused in the office

  Dear Darcus, I am constantly aroused in the office. I seriously think that I could hump every single one of my colleagues – guys, girls, everyone – at once! If ever somebody asks me a completely innocent question I always give them a double entendre laden answer in response. I even got into the…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Should I tell work i’m in jail?

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Should I tell work i’m in jail?

  Dear Darcus, I am the regional manager of a double glazing company but unfortunately I got arrested after trying to jump a rickshaw I had offered £200 to take me from Soho to Dartford. I thought I’d be able to get away with it but it turns out the rickshaw driver was a kung-fu…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Moving to London

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – Moving to London

  Dear Darcus, I’ve just moved down to London and keep seeing people in the square mile that get on the train at the same station as me in West Norwood. I keep trying to say hello to them and even waved across the street once but keeping getting ignored. What am I doing wrong?   Dear…

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W1nners’ Club Problem Page – My colleague has a crush on me……I think?

W1nners’ Club Problem Page – My colleague has a crush on me……I think?

  Dear Darcus, I think that one of the company directors might have a crush on me. Whenever I hold the door open for her she always says thank you and if I’m in the lift with her at the same time and ask her which floor she wants, she always tells me. Do you…

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