Robert Mugabe offers to help out with Brexit trade negotiations

Robert Mugabe offers to help out with Brexit trade negotiations

  Former Zimbabwean President Mr. Robert Mugabe has offered to assist with Britain’s trade talks in the next round of Brexit negotiations.   The ageing ex-dictator is said to be looking for a new project to undertake now that he has a lot more time on his hands since leaving office and Zimbabwean officials have…

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Brexit still means Brexit which now means something completely different to Brexit

Brexit still means Brexit which now means something completely different to Brexit

  The government has confirmed that Brexit still means Brexit, but the new Brexit may appear to resemble something completely different to what one would immediately recognise as being Brexit.   As talks on the issue of the Northern Irish border with the Republic of Ireland stalled once again, the government is keen to reassure…

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Chinese customs officials no longer class European soft cheese as a biohazard

Chinese customs officials no longer class European soft cheese as a biohazard

  Chinese customs officials have downgraded European soft cheese from its previous Biohazard status to that of a mere hazardous material.   The Chinese authorities imposed a ban on the import of cheese such as Roquefort, Danish Blue and Stilton upon opening a shipping crate full of the stuff which resulted in the evacuation of…

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Ryanair cancelling UK-EU flights will make absolutely no difference to journey times

Ryanair cancelling UK-EU flights will make absolutely no difference to journey times

  Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary told the European parliament that the cancellation of flights between the UK and EU will make absolutely no difference to journey times.   Despite Heathrow being deserted, summer holidays cancelled and aircraft being moved to Europe as a result of Brexit, Ryanair flights have historically landed so far away from…

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The Full English breakfast to be sold on hire purchase after Brexit

The Full English breakfast to be sold on hire purchase after Brexit

  The price of a Full English Breakfast may increase so sharply if the UK government doesn’t agree a trade deal with the EU, that shoppers may be forced to purchase their fry ups on hire purchase.   Despite being about as English as Nigel Farage’s ancestral line, the inaccurately named Full English Breakfast is…

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EU negotiators to wear Geisha girl outfits in the next round of Brexit talks

EU negotiators to wear Geisha girl outfits in the next round of Brexit talks

  European Union negotiators are expected to attend the next round of Brexit talks wearing Geisha girl outfits after signing a trade deal with Japan.   The dressing up of senior EU officials in kimonos and Nihongami wigs is said to be a key clause in the political agreement that seeks to engender greater cross-cultural…

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Nigel Farage insults the EU president in a Brussels parliament session

Nigel Farage insults the EU president in a Brussels parliament session

Have you ever voiced your opinions about the promotion of a co-worker in your workplace only to be seen as the office rabble-rouser as a result? If you have, fear not because you are not alone. Former UKIP leader Nigel Farage told Herman Van Rompuy, the president of the EU back in 2010 that he…

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EU prays for less UK stag and hen parties after Brexit

EU prays for less UK stag and hen parties after Brexit

  In the wake of the UK’s decision to leave the EU, many European countries have been hoping for fewer British stag and hen parties visiting them as the pound continues to decrease in value.   In the first quarter of 2017 however, the numbers travelling abroad from the UK rose 3 per cent from…

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Downing Street Brexit dinner descends into a full-on food fight

Downing Street Brexit dinner descends into a full-on food fight

  Jean-claude Juncker’s dinner with Theresa May last week descended into a full-on food fight after disagreement about the quality of British sausages. The European Commission President left Downing Street covered from head to toe in most of the contents of both the Prime Minister and Brexit Secretary David Davis’s dinner plates, and said that…

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Brexit letter said to contain the emoji for, ‘we want Calais back.’

Brexit letter said to contain the emoji for, ‘we want Calais back.’

  Theresa May’s six-page Brexit letter is said to contain the emoji for, ‘we want Calais back,’ in the bottom left-hand corner after the letters P and S.   The letter warns the EU in no uncertain terms that not doing a trade deal with Britain would be a, ‘costly mistake,’ but before negotiations proper can…

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