Chinese customs officials no longer class European soft cheese as a biohazard

Chinese customs officials no longer class European soft cheese as a biohazard

  Chinese customs officials have downgraded European soft cheese from its previous Biohazard status to that of a mere hazardous material.   The Chinese authorities imposed a ban on the import of cheese such as Roquefort, Danish Blue and Stilton upon opening a shipping crate full of the stuff which resulted in the evacuation of…

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Ryanair cancelling UK-EU flights will make absolutely no difference to journey times

Ryanair cancelling UK-EU flights will make absolutely no difference to journey times

  Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary told the European parliament that the cancellation of flights between the UK and EU will make absolutely no difference to journey times.   Despite Heathrow being deserted, summer holidays cancelled and aircraft being moved to Europe as a result of Brexit, Ryanair flights have historically landed so far away from…

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The Full English breakfast to be sold on hire purchase after Brexit

The Full English breakfast to be sold on hire purchase after Brexit

  The price of a Full English Breakfast may increase so sharply if the UK government doesn’t agree a trade deal with the EU, that shoppers may be forced to purchase their fry ups on hire purchase.   Despite being about as English as Nigel Farage’s ancestral line, the inaccurately named Full English Breakfast is…

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EU negotiators to wear Geisha girl outfits in the next round of Brexit talks

EU negotiators to wear Geisha girl outfits in the next round of Brexit talks

  European Union negotiators are expected to attend the next round of Brexit talks wearing Geisha girl outfits after signing a trade deal with Japan.   The dressing up of senior EU officials in kimonos and Nihongami wigs is said to be a key clause in the political agreement that seeks to engender greater cross-cultural…

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Nigel Farage insults the EU president in a Brussels parliament session

Nigel Farage insults the EU president in a Brussels parliament session

Have you ever voiced your opinions about the promotion of a co-worker in your workplace only to be seen as the office rabble-rouser as a result? If you have, fear not because you are not alone. Former UKIP leader Nigel Farage told Herman Van Rompuy, the president of the EU back in 2010 that he…

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EU prays for less UK stag and hen parties after Brexit

EU prays for less UK stag and hen parties after Brexit

  In the wake of the UK’s decision to leave the EU, many European countries have been hoping for fewer British stag and hen parties visiting them as the pound continues to decrease in value.   In the first quarter of 2017 however, the numbers travelling abroad from the UK rose 3 per cent from…

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Downing Street Brexit dinner descends into a full-on food fight

Downing Street Brexit dinner descends into a full-on food fight

  Jean-claude Juncker’s dinner with Theresa May last week descended into a full-on food fight after disagreement about the quality of British sausages. The European Commission President left Downing Street covered from head to toe in most of the contents of both the Prime Minister and Brexit Secretary David Davis’s dinner plates, and said that…

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Brexit letter said to contain the emoji for, ‘we want Calais back.’

Brexit letter said to contain the emoji for, ‘we want Calais back.’

  Theresa May’s six-page Brexit letter is said to contain the emoji for, ‘we want Calais back,’ in the bottom left-hand corner after the letters P and S.   The letter warns the EU in no uncertain terms that not doing a trade deal with Britain would be a, ‘costly mistake,’ but before negotiations proper can…

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PM says, ‘Brexit,’ will be replaced by the term, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

PM says, ‘Brexit,’ will be replaced by the term, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

  Theresa May has finally outlined her plans for Britain’s departure from the EU and has stated unequivocally that the word, ‘Brexit,’ will be replaced by, ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.’ The Prime minister says that the word used in the hit film, ‘Mary Poppins,’ is the most accurate indicator of the terms Britain will be seeking in any…

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‘Undelivered i-phones should be classed as works of art,’ says Apple

‘Undelivered i-phones should be classed as works of art,’ says Apple

  Apple argues undelivered i-phones should be classed as works of art in the latest twist of the tech giant’s fight over EU taxes.   The European Commission is demanding Apple pays €13 billion tax in Ireland, whilst Apple argues they should be paying taxes in the United States where the important stuff like design…

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