Downing Street Brexit dinner descends into a full-on food fight

Downing Street Brexit dinner descends into a full-on food fight

  Jean-claude Juncker’s dinner with Theresa May last week descended into a full-on food fight after disagreement about the quality of British sausages. The European Commission President left Downing Street covered from head to toe in most of the contents of both the Prime Minister and Brexit Secretary David Davis’s dinner plates, and said that…

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Noel Edmunds tells Brexit committee whether a deal is better than no deal

Noel Edmunds tells Brexit committee whether a deal is better than no deal

  Prime Minister Theresa May has asked Noel Edmunds to prove that, “no deal is better than a bad deal,” by explaining the rules of his hit TV show to a parliamentary committee.   Upon being asked whether the government had a costing for failing to win a deal with the EU on Brexit, Finance…

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Poundland to be renamed, ‘you’ll still get change from a £2 coin-land.’

Poundland to be renamed, ‘you’ll still get change from a £2 coin-land.’

  Poundland will be renamed, ‘you’ll still get change from a £2 coin-land,’ in a bid to better reflect the prices on offer in its stores.   The latest introduction of clothing into Poundland is part of a broader strategy to sell items that are priced at more than £1 and there are fears that…

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Brexit letter said to contain the emoji for, ‘we want Calais back.’

Brexit letter said to contain the emoji for, ‘we want Calais back.’

  Theresa May’s six-page Brexit letter is said to contain the emoji for, ‘we want Calais back,’ in the bottom left-hand corner after the letters P and S.   The letter warns the EU in no uncertain terms that not doing a trade deal with Britain would be a, ‘costly mistake,’ but before negotiations proper can…

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Post-Brexit Nissan cars may have to use technology from The Flintstones

Post-Brexit Nissan cars may have to use technology from The Flintstones

  Nissan has called on the UK government to provide investment to replace overseas components after the country leaves the EU, or the new Qashqai model may have to be built using technology from The Flintstones.   Senior executives at Nissan have warned the government that whilst they will agree to continue manufacturing at their…

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Post-Brexit Sterling to resemble Battle Cat from He-Man

Post-Brexit Sterling to resemble Battle Cat from He-Man

      The Bank of America predicts the post-Brexit Pound will stop cowering in the corner like a timid kitten to undergo a miraculous transformation like Cringer from He-Man.   Despite being the foreign exchange equivalent of a mangy moggy that has been abandoned by its owners and left to fend for itself in…

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PM says, ‘Brexit,’ will be replaced by the term, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

PM says, ‘Brexit,’ will be replaced by the term, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

  Theresa May has finally outlined her plans for Britain’s departure from the EU and has stated unequivocally that the word, ‘Brexit,’ will be replaced by, ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.’ The Prime minister says that the word used in the hit film, ‘Mary Poppins,’ is the most accurate indicator of the terms Britain will be seeking in any…

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Upper classes ecstatic about post-brexit increase in the price of champagne

Upper classes ecstatic about post-brexit increase in the price of champagne

  Upper class drinkers rejoiced upon hearing that the price of Champagne will rise as a result of Brexit.   Despite losing their last key class identifier since the UK abolished its national pastime of going over to hot countries and shooting dark skinned people, many in society’s higher echelons feel this latest revelation presents…

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Toblerone Claims Empty Space is the New Chocolate

Toblerone Claims Empty Space is the New Chocolate

  The makers of Toblerone made the bold claim yesterday that empty space is the new chocolate.   The gaps between the chocolate bar’s triangular segments have been widened recently as manufacturers claim the popular snack was never really about chocolate in the first place. Mondelez International’s Head of Marketing Mrs. Honey Almond said, “The…

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The UK post-Brexit diet bears a more than striking resemblance to wartime rationing

The UK post-Brexit diet bears a more than striking resemblance to wartime rationing

  Britain’s post-Brexit diet will bear a striking resemblance to wartime rations unless the people that voted, ‘Leave,’ are forced to become agricultural labourers a leading farmer has claimed.   Mr. Harry Cobean grows over 100,000 carrots and potatoes on his farm near Huddersfield in West Yorkshire and says there aren’t enough British workers who…

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