Ryanair cancelling UK-EU flights will make absolutely no difference to journey times

Ryanair cancelling UK-EU flights will make absolutely no difference to journey times

  Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary told the European parliament that the cancellation of flights between the UK and EU will make absolutely no difference to journey times.   Despite Heathrow being deserted, summer holidays cancelled and aircraft being moved to Europe as a result of Brexit, Ryanair flights have historically landed so far away from…

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The Full English breakfast to be sold on hire purchase after Brexit

The Full English breakfast to be sold on hire purchase after Brexit

  The price of a Full English Breakfast may increase so sharply if the UK government doesn’t agree a trade deal with the EU, that shoppers may be forced to purchase their fry ups on hire purchase.   Despite being about as English as Nigel Farage’s ancestral line, the inaccurately named Full English Breakfast is…

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EU negotiators to wear Geisha girl outfits in the next round of Brexit talks

EU negotiators to wear Geisha girl outfits in the next round of Brexit talks

  European Union negotiators are expected to attend the next round of Brexit talks wearing Geisha girl outfits after signing a trade deal with Japan.   The dressing up of senior EU officials in kimonos and Nihongami wigs is said to be a key clause in the political agreement that seeks to engender greater cross-cultural…

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EU wants Wenlock and Mandeville to lead UK Brexit negotiation team

EU wants Wenlock and Mandeville to lead UK Brexit negotiation team

  European leaders have called on Wenlock and Mandeville to head up the UK’s Brexit negotiation team.   The EU is dismayed at the uncertainty the UK general election has created and sees the London 2012 Olympic mascots as the only credible leadership left in Britain that has anything approaching a mandate from voters. The…

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EU prays for less UK stag and hen parties after Brexit

EU prays for less UK stag and hen parties after Brexit

  In the wake of the UK’s decision to leave the EU, many European countries have been hoping for fewer British stag and hen parties visiting them as the pound continues to decrease in value.   In the first quarter of 2017 however, the numbers travelling abroad from the UK rose 3 per cent from…

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Downing Street Brexit dinner descends into a full-on food fight

Downing Street Brexit dinner descends into a full-on food fight

  Jean-claude Juncker’s dinner with Theresa May last week descended into a full-on food fight after disagreement about the quality of British sausages. The European Commission President left Downing Street covered from head to toe in most of the contents of both the Prime Minister and Brexit Secretary David Davis’s dinner plates, and said that…

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Noel Edmunds tells Brexit committee whether a deal is better than no deal

Noel Edmunds tells Brexit committee whether a deal is better than no deal

  Prime Minister Theresa May has asked Noel Edmunds to prove that, “no deal is better than a bad deal,” by explaining the rules of his hit TV show to a parliamentary committee.   Upon being asked whether the government had a costing for failing to win a deal with the EU on Brexit, Finance…

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Poundland to be renamed, ‘you’ll still get change from a £2 coin-land.’

Poundland to be renamed, ‘you’ll still get change from a £2 coin-land.’

  Poundland will be renamed, ‘you’ll still get change from a £2 coin-land,’ in a bid to better reflect the prices on offer in its stores.   The latest introduction of clothing into Poundland is part of a broader strategy to sell items that are priced at more than £1 and there are fears that…

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Brexit letter said to contain the emoji for, ‘we want Calais back.’

Brexit letter said to contain the emoji for, ‘we want Calais back.’

  Theresa May’s six-page Brexit letter is said to contain the emoji for, ‘we want Calais back,’ in the bottom left-hand corner after the letters P and S.   The letter warns the EU in no uncertain terms that not doing a trade deal with Britain would be a, ‘costly mistake,’ but before negotiations proper can…

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Post-Brexit Nissan cars may have to use technology from The Flintstones

Post-Brexit Nissan cars may have to use technology from The Flintstones

  Nissan has called on the UK government to provide investment to replace overseas components after the country leaves the EU, or the new Qashqai model may have to be built using technology from The Flintstones.   Senior executives at Nissan have warned the government that whilst they will agree to continue manufacturing at their…

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