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Darcus White - The W1nners' Club

He knows fuck all about management

Dear Darcus,

I have recently developed the habit of sneaking into our main competitors’ sales conferences and stealing as much company literature as possible. Then, when I get home I photoshop my face onto their company photographs so that I can stare at them when i’m feeling bored at work, imagining what it would be like if I had a job there. Do you think this is a bit weird?


Dear Reader,

There’s absolutely nothing weird about wishing you worked for another company. Whilst I am very fond of the team here at The W1nners’ Club, I often fantasise about working for my competitors as they all seem to enjoy their jobs far more than we do. I’ve heard off the record that they get paid a lot more than us and they also get free gym membership thrown into their benefits package. As a result of this, I often hang around outside their offices on my day off and imagine what it would be like to get the journey to and from their building every morning. The only problem with my behaviour is that they have called the police on three separate occasions after I managed to convince the security guard on duty at their front desk that I had forgotten my key pass and then tried to get the I.T. department to set me up with one of their company email addresses. The upshot of this is that I now have a restraining order against me for being within a 3 mile radius of their premises so I guess I may struggle to get a job there in the future.

Hope this helps.

Feel free to email us at with your barriers to business success – the likelihood of us solving your problem is up there with the likelihood of your success in business given the fact that you require us to sort your problems out for you!


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