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Darcus White - The W1nners' Club

He knows fuck all about management


Dear Darcus,

I keep waking up every morning hoping that I am living in an alternative reality. The reason for this is that a while ago I wrote a letter to my future self urging me to go back in time if this becomes possible and visit my past self to urge me to work harder at school so that I end up with a decent job. By my reckoning, from the moment I wrote the letter, my entire reality should have changed to an alternative timeline and I should be a high court judge or maybe a famous nuclear physicist. Does the fact that I still work in the post room of a bottling plant provide proof that time travel isn’t and never will be possible?


Dear Reader,

I too often ponder the possibility of whether human beings will ever be able to travel through time. A while ago I wrote down a list of all the people I believe had ruined my career and I gave the post office explicit instructions to deliver it to the future me to tell me to go back in time and prevent their parents ever meeting. You can imagine the shock I received when I went out that night to celebrate my new life but woke up the following morning in a police cell. The problem with this alternative reality is that I now face a fine for being drunk and disorderly due to the fact that I was arrested for weeing against a lampost.

Hope this helps


Feel free to send your salary earner situations to – if God exists, we won’t receive the email and your problem will stay within a manageable level of tolerability.


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