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Darcus White - The W1nners' Club

He knows fuck all about management

Dear Darcus,

As we come up to the Chrsitmas period, I now have a lot of client lunches booked in the diary, but have noticed how difficult it is becoming for me to get sufficiently drunk during the meal. I’ve tried everything. I will even drink a few cans of lager before getting to the restaurant to counteract the sobering effect of the food I will eat. I even try to force my clients to have a shot or three afterwards whilst we’re waiting for the bill and on one occasion I offered a discount for next year’s business if the client managed to down more tequila slammers than me. Do you have any ideas as to how I can get pissed more efficiently so that the afternoon passes quicker when I go back to the office?


Dear Reader,

I fully understand your problem here. It’s hard enough having to meet up with clients at the best of times, but remaining sober whilst you do so is frankly unnacceptable and completely unreasonable. We once had a supplier who only drinks mineral water with their food so you can imagine how entertaining lunch was with that person because all we ended up talking about was business. I think the best way around your problem is to simply insist that no one eats any food over lunch as this will go a long way towards helping your system get overcome by the effects of booze more efficiently. I have been taken on client lunches in the past where the person we were meeting didn’t consume any alcohol because they said they had a lot of work to do when they got back to the office and as a result I had to stay sober for the afternoon rather than complain about it. It therefore shouldn’t be considered too unreasonable if you insist to a client that you won’t be ordering food with your booze as you have no intention whatsoever of doing any work when you get back to the office.

Hope this helps.


Feel free to send your management problems in to If we can solve the issue, it’ll be because you haven’t noticed that the problem still exists!





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