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Darcus White - The W1nners' Club

He knows fuck all about management


Dear Darcus,

All my colleagues at work think it’s strange because I still believe in Father Christmas even though I’m the Chief Operating Officer of a large blue chip pharmaceutical company. This year I will put out some mince pies for santa and a whisky miniature so hopefully that should make him think i’ve been good. When I told my staff that they won’t be getting any gifts from Father Christmas unless the company achieves it’s annual performance targets, everyone started laughing at me during the annual meeting. Do you think I should discipline them for insubordination?


Dear Reader,

Having your staff burst out into fits of raucous laughter when you’re trying to lecture them as to what the best way to achieve excellent business results is can be a huge problem – especially here at The W1nners’ Club. Whilst I don’t believe in Santa Claus as i’m sorry to say, he isn’t actually real, I do regularly explain to my staff that they won’t be able to take any annual leave in the week leading up to Good Friday because everyone will be required to go looking for the Easter bunny. For some reason they all started to laugh at me in a similar way that you just explained, but my solution was simply to dock everybody’s pay who didn’t admit that they once received money from the tooth fairy.

Hope this helps.

Feel free to email your workplace disasters over to us at – all we ask is that you don’t expect the problem to go away simply because you’ve emailed us!


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