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Darcus White - The W1nners' Club

He knows fuck all about management


Dear Darcus,
I’ve just been asked by a member of my team to sign off their expenses and noticed an entry for Busty Brenda’s massage parlour in Soho. How do I question them about this without incriminating myself for being there on the same evening?


Dear Reader,
I often get letters of this type landing in my in tray. The problem you have here is that you need to adopt what is known in management circles as the, ‘goosey, goosey, gander,’ theory – ie. what’s good for the goose isn’t necesarily allowed for the ganders. We suggest you ask your team members the following questions in quick succession to appear as if you don’t know anything about the venue. (1) Where is it? (2) How much does it cost to get in? (3) Do they still have happy hour on a Thursday? (4) Does Brenda’s daughter Mary still run the bar? (5) Have they still got the back room? (6) Did you get, ‘the full works,’ in the back room with the mirrors on the ceiling? If your team member answers any of the above questions with anything approaching confidence and/or authority, simply sign off their expenses and tell them not to go there again – especially not next week because they’re doing a BOGOF deal if you leave your business card at the bar.

Hope this helps,

Darcus White


If you require our assistance in any way for management issues, feel free to email us at – we must stress however, that asking us for management advice is a bit like asking a legless person if they are left or right footed when they play football.


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