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Darcus White - The W1nners' Club

He knows fuck all about management


Dear Darcus,
I am the regional manager of a double glazing company but unfortunately I got arrested after trying to jump a rickshaw I had offered £200 to take me from Soho to Dartford. I thought I’d be able to get away with it but it turns out the rickshaw driver was a kung-fu expert. Should I call work and tell them that I won’t be able to come in because i’m in jail?


Dear Reader,

I have often tried to get out of paying for taxis in the past at the end of the month when a colleague says the beers are on them. The problem is you usually end up missing the last train home if someone else is paying because – well, there’s no reason to leave early is there? I must say however that I’ve never tried to jump a rickshaw before. The reason why jumping a taxi is relatively easy compared to a rickshaw is because most taxi drivers don’t want to leave the cab with the engine running as you scarper off around the corner. My suggestion would be that you use the one phone call you’re allowed to call the rickshaw driver, offer to pay the £200 and get them to drop the charges. If you can you might be able to negotiate a ride into work as well. If you can get in before 9am, nobody will know that you spent last night in jail apart from the black eye you received from your cell mate ‘Bubba,’ for resisting his over amorous offer of sharing a bunk bed.

Hope this helps.


Please send in your corporate complications to We’re more than glad to help – which in turn would mean we should ignore your email as that’d be doing you a massive favour in the grand scheme of things.


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