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Darcus White - The W1nners' Club

He knows fuck all about management


Dear Darcus,
After my second written warning my boss’ new Audi mysteriously caught fire in the car-park the very next day. How do I remove petrol stains from a bespoke dove-grey pinstripe wool suit?


From Angry in Cheltenham


Dear Reader,
Thanks for getting in touch!

Your problem is indeed a common one for people that have been sacked and also enjoy setting fire to things to get their revenge. Whilst this is a highly effective way of letting your ex-employer know what you think of their decision to sack you, you might end up destroying a perfectly good suit if you don’t take the right precautions the next time you get the chop.

I’ve done a Google search on your behalf and it says that you should sprinkle baking soda, cornstarch, or other absorbents on the stain, let it stand for 10 to 15 minutes and then vacuum – although I’ll be honest with you and say that I don’t understand how doing a load of housework will get your suit looking pristine again, so the best advice I can give is to ignore Google and use the suit as a firelighter the next time you’re having a barbecue. You might not get rid of the stain, but you’ll definitely get rid of the suit and hopefully the memories of your ex-employer’s smouldering Audi as well.

Just try and work for someone that drives a Vauxhall Zafira in future as your boss’s car will likely catch fire whether you’ve been sacked or not!

Hope this helps.

Darcus White

If you need help sorting out a workplace why or wherefore, feel free to drop us a line on and watch things escalate far beyond your control as a result.


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