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Darcus White - The W1nners' Club

He knows fuck all about management


Dear Darcus,

Large text font makes me feel ill. I’m okay with messages that get sent to me via text, but if someone sends me a report via email and I open it up at my desktop, if any of the font is larger than size 14, I start to sweat and feel horribly sick all of a sudden. Is there anything I can do in the office to prevent this happening?


Dear Reader,

I too have a major aversion towards the wrong kind of font, but in my case it’s a healthy disdain for either Baskerville old face, Bauhaus 93 or Iskoola Pota fonts. If anybody ever uses any of the aforementioned in a presentation I am reading, I too become violently nauseous and will more than likely have to throw up in the nearest waste paper basket whilst the sender edits their file so I can read it. One way you can avoid this happening is to insist that your team members write out any documents they want to send you on a black chalkboard positioned next to your desk (you will of course have to purchase a black chalkboard on expenses). It may feel like you’re on the set of the 1967 Sidney Poitier film – To Sir with Love, but at least you won’t throw up everytime somebody sends you the latest market share reports to look at – unless the figures are really bad, in which case you’ll have an entirely different problem to deal with.

Hope this helps.

Send in your management murders to – remember that problems are simply solutions that don’t have a happy ending, a fate that is almost guaranteed if you’re foolish enough to contact us.


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