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Darcus White - The W1nners' Club

He knows fuck all about management


Dear Darcus,

I’m rather jealous of a colleague in the office that has a broken leg. Ever since he came back to work, all the girls are constantly asking him what happened when he broke it and some of the more attractive ones have even asked if they can sign it. The person in question has been an office rival of mine for a considerable period now and I can’t help thinking that maybe his leg isn’t actually broken at all and all he is doing is trying to score office brownie points against me. Is there anything I can do to thwart his underhand tactics?


Dear Reader,

I understand your predicament here. I work with someone that has recently bought a new puppy and they keep bringing it into the office. Whenever that horrible little thing is here, nobody wants to listen to my jokes or hear what I got up to at the weekend anymore. I even tried to pretend I had a new cat by downloading pictures of a random kitten from Google images, but unfortunately I got found out when my colleagues noticed that there was a logo for Kitty Kat pet food in the bottom right hand corner of the picture. But for that small mishap, I honestly believe my plan would have worked and the attention in the office would have returned back to me. I think what you should do is break your leg as well so that you’ll have first hand knowledge of what it’s like and you’ll be able to catch your office nemesis out by asking tricky questions about bone healing times and plaster etc. When they can’t answer you in any detail, everybody will soon see what a fraud they are. This will of course only be effective if they are lying about their injury. If they aren’t, you will have broken your own leg for no reason but this might be a risk worth taking in the long run.

Hope this helps.


Feel free to send in your office-based obstacles to – the problem will no longer feel like a problem once you’ve been to our office for an in-person consultation!


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