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Darcus White - The W1nners' Club

He knows fuck all about management


Dear Darcus,
I am constantly aroused in the office. I seriously think that I could hump every single one of my colleagues – guys, girls, everyone – at once! If ever somebody asks me a completely innocent question I always give them a double entendre laden answer in response. I even got into the lift with the cleaner the other day and he asked me if I was going down and I instantaneously sustained an erection. Do you think there might be something wrong with me?


Dear Reader,
Being aroused in the office is a completely natural state to exist in. I have often been known to get a bit flustered when someone flicks a rubber band at me as the pinging sensation can be quite something. Similarly, if I have to do a presentation and somebody says, “are you ready to go?” the first thought that pops into my mind isn’t the presentation but the thought of being spanked by a dominatrix. At the end of the day, everyone suffers from the hangover horn the morning after a night out with colleagues, so it might be an idea if you seek out the fellow horn merchants in your office on a Friday morning to see if anybody would be so kind as to join you in the toilets for a quick session of mutual ‘relief.’ Just make sure you’re discreet of course and don’t ask anybody on your immediate team – trust me, it isn’t worth it!


Feel free to send us your workplace whys and wherefores to – if we decide to help you, you’d do well to ignore the email from us telling you how to solve the problem because things will only go downhill from there if you don’t.


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