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Darcus White - The W1nners' Club

He knows fuck all about management


Dear Darcus,

I can’t stand pricing the products in my retail store at £9.99 when all I have to do is add on an extra penny and all of a sudden you get a lovely whole number price of £10. The shareholders often accuse me of putting my own peculiarities before the success of the business at company general meetings, but I don’t care because I still own 51% of the business – do you think I should buy back the remaining shares to ensure that nobody makes a fuss about my pricing strategy going forward?


Dear Reader,

I have partners in the business here at The W1nners’ Club who try to tell me how to run the company and I don’t even own 1% of it. What I do have however, is video footage of some of the directors doing rather embarassing things with people they are not married to and this on its own would be enough to put the company out of business given the rather graphic nature of the content. Every time one of them disagrees with me at a board meeting, I simply hold up my phone and pretend to search for a video file and this is usually enough to get even the most outlandish ideas ratified by the rest of the board. What I would therefore suggest is that you either hire a private investigator and obtain footage of your shareholders getting their bottoms spanked by a dominatrix whilst wearing an adult-sized baby grow, or try to have an affair with one of them yourself and then attempt to blackmail them this way. Depending on the size of your company this will either be very easy to achieve or the comapny will go bankrupt as a result of private investigator and Dominatrix fees.

Hope this helps.

Feel free to drop us a line via – they say that a prooblem shared is a problem halved but it’ll more than likely increase by several orders of magnitude once we get involved!



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