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Darcus White - The W1nners' Club

He knows fuck all about management


Dear Darcus,
One of my sales team have returned from a client lunch as drunk as a monkey and they have subsequently fallen asleep at their desk. My staff member is lying face down on their keyboard and snoring loudly, what is the best way to wake them up?


Dear Reader,

There are multiple ways that you as a manager can ensure this situation gets resolved swiftly and professionally. We suggest you do one of the following: (1) Engage a couple of colleagues in a sweep stake to see who can wake them up with a head shot using a rubber band gun.

rubber band gun - The W1nners' Club

rubber band gun

(2) Write “I love Spurs,” on their forehead in permanent marker pen and post the picture on Facebook – even though they are a devout Arsenal supporter, or (3) Place a pair of Beats Headphones over their ears and play anything by Megadeath or Sepultura at full volume.

Hope this helps.

Darcus White


Please send in your managerial headaches to We guarantee we’ll make mountains out of molehills and you’ll wish you’d never contacted us.


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