Spoof business news stories

The latest roundup of what never happened in the world of business...

Morris dance troupe to headline this year’s Tory Glastonbury
7th August 2017

Morris dance troupe to headline this year’s Tory Glastonbury

  The headline act for this year’s Tory Glastonbury will be a troupe of blacked-up Morris dancers The W1nners’ Club can reveal.   The one day event being held in September will comprise ...

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FTSE 100 CEOs have to work a full 160 minutes to earn the average worker salary
4th August 2017

FTSE 100 CEOs have to work a full 160 minutes to earn the average worker salary

  FTSE 100 CEOs have expressed shock and dismay upon finding out they have to work a whole 160 minutes to earn the average worker’s salary.   The Office for National Statistics says ...

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World record Neymar transfer includes free tickets for the Eiffel Tower
3rd August 2017

World record Neymar transfer includes free tickets for the Eiffel Tower

  Neymar has agreed a world record breaking transfer to Paris Saint-Germain that is said to include free tickets up the Eiffel Tower according to a W1nners’ Club source.   Neymar ...

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Gender equality study says men should be forced to wear high heels at work
2nd August 2017

Gender equality study says men should be forced to wear high heels at work

  Men should be forced to wear high heels at work according to researchers from The University of Aberdeen.   A recent study showed a link between wearing high heels and an increased ...

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Selfridges rewrites ’12 days of Christmas’ to include 147 new items
1st August 2017

Selfridges rewrites ’12 days of Christmas’ to include 147 new items

  Selfridges has just commissioned a rewrite of the classic Christmas song, ’12 days of Christmas’ to include 147 separate items that are currently available in stock.   The track was ...

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Carlsberg Special Brew to be reclassified as Scotch Whisky after Brexit
31st July 2017

Carlsberg Special Brew to be reclassified as Scotch Whisky after Brexit

  The UK’s trade deal with the US after Brexit may see drinks like Carlsberg Special Brew being reclassified as Scotch Whisky.   The current EU definition of whisky protects the ...

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Walkie Talkie a better investment than The Death Star say property experts
28th July 2017

Walkie Talkie a better investment than The Death Star say property experts

  London’s landmark Walkie Talkie skyscraper has been purchased by a Hong Kong firm and is said to be a much better investment than the Death Star according to property experts.   The ...

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BMW pledges to build at least one of its electric Mini models in the UK after Brexit
27th July 2017

BMW pledges to build at least one of its electric Mini models in the UK after Brexit

  BMW has committed to building a fully electric version of the Mini in the UK regardless of the outcome of Brexit trade negotiations.   The company says that it has “neither ...

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US tech company that microchips employees won’t seek to have them neutered
26th July 2017

US tech company that microchips employees won’t seek to have them neutered

  A tech company has announced it is the first business in the US to use microchips for employees, but has promised not to get staff neutered or spayed to make them less aggressive.   ...

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Boots: “cheap contraceptives promote devil worship and the enjoyment of rap music”
25th July 2017

Boots: “cheap contraceptives promote devil worship and the enjoyment of rap music”

  Boots has said that allowing women to buy cheap contraceptives encourages devil worship and the enjoyment of rap music.   The pharmaceutical company claims that any reduction in the ...

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