Spoof business news

The latest roundup of what never happened in the world of business...

Monarch Airlines still ahead of Ryanair in customer satisfaction league tables
3rd October 2017

Monarch Airlines still ahead of Ryanair in customer satisfaction league tables

  Monarch Airlines is still marginally ahead of fierce rival Ryanair in the customer satisfaction league tables despite going into administration and leaving 110,000 passengers stranded ...

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Jacob Rees-Mogg opens the world’s first anti-abortion, back street abortion clinic
2nd October 2017

Jacob Rees-Mogg opens the world’s first anti-abortion, back street abortion clinic

  Jacob Rees-Mogg has just announced plans to open the world’s first anti abortion, abortion clinic The W1nners’ Club can reveal.   The Tory MP for Somerset is a devout catholic who ...

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Dyson electric car looks suspiciously similar to a road sweeper
29th September 2017

Dyson electric car looks suspiciously similar to a road sweeper

  Dyson unveiled the prototype for its new electric car this week and motoring enthusiasts have commented on how similar it looks to a bog-standard road sweeper.   The battery-powered ...

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Twitter fails to beat Gandhi’s record for the most characters ever witnessed on screen
28th September 2017

Twitter fails to beat Gandhi’s record for the most characters ever witnessed on screen

  Twitter has failed in its recent bid to beat Richard Attenborough’s Oscar winning movie ‘Gandhi’ for the record number of characters ever witnessed on a screen.   Despite allowing an ...

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Shoplifters boycott Sainsbury’s in protest at new checkout-less technology
27th September 2017

Shoplifters boycott Sainsbury’s in protest at new checkout-less technology

  Shoplifters have boycotted Sainsbury’s in protest at the retailer’s plan to adopt checkout-less technology in stores.   The grocer conducted tests at its Euston Station branch earlier ...

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Mike Ashley hands in a transfer request at Newcastle United
26th September 2017

Mike Ashley hands in a transfer request at Newcastle United

  Sports Direct owner Mike Ashley has handed in a transfer request to leave premier league football club Newcastle United.   The want away owner is rumoured to be willing to accept ...

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Kebabs say it’s easier to get delivered using UberEats than trying to hail a black cab
25th September 2017

Kebabs say it’s easier to get delivered using UberEats than trying to hail a black cab

  Doner Kebabs all over London were left ‘devastated’ after being told that food delivery service UberEats will cease to continue.   Transport for London told the ride hailing app firm ...

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Apple admits its new smartwatch doesn’t f*cking work
22nd September 2017

Apple admits its new smartwatch doesn’t f*cking work

  Apple has acknowledged connectivity issues with its latest smartwatch by issuing a statement confirming that it ‘doesn’t f*cking work.’   Apple says that the watch’s problem ...

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Former BHS owner says Wi-Fi on a yacht costs more than a high street retail chain
21st September 2017

Former BHS owner says Wi-Fi on a yacht costs more than a high street retail chain

  Former BHS owner Dominic Chappell has told a court that installing Wi-Fi on a £5 million racing yacht costs more than the price of acquiring a high street retail chain.   Mr. ...

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Rolling Stone Magazine’s next issue to be filled with ads for Rolling Stone Magazine
20th September 2017

Rolling Stone Magazine’s next issue to be filled with ads for Rolling Stone Magazine

  Rolling Stone Magazine has announced that its next issue will be filled with adverts for Rolling Stone Magazine.   The trailblazing popular culture and music magazine has put itself ...

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