Offices have a reputation for being sterile places where nothing interesting occurs unless everybody is drunk at the Christmas party. We intend to change all that however. If you use a little imagination and look around you, you’ll notice that your place of work contains everything you’d ever need to set up your own gourmet restaurant.
Why bring leftovers into the office every day when around your desk you have all you need to become the next Marco Pierre White?
1. Un Oeuf Coffee to Boil an Egg with
Your morning coffee can be used for so much more than curing your hangover from the previous night’s drinks with colleagues. Place an egg into a freshly boiled cuppa and leave it there for a few minutes – all of sudden you have breakfast as well.
2. Get some meat in before a meeting
In the age of Microsoft Office, the old school Rolodeck has become relatively obsolete. That is no longer the case however if you use a little creativity. If you decide to have sandwiches at lunch, you’ll no longer be forced to rely on a bland selection of sandwich fillings. A standard Rolodeck can be used as a way of storing the most comprehensive of meat selections so your lunches will now be more antipasti than Cornish Pasty.
3. Shred-it before you’re fed it
Whoever said that a paper shredder can only be used for shredding paper? Someone that doesn’t know how to prepare fine food in the office – that’s who. A standard office paper shredder can be used to chop up any soft ingredients for use in Burritos, so you’ll never have to spend a small fortune at Tortilla ever again.
4. A, ‘not,’ date with your office crush
Just because your office crush keeps spurning your advances and has reported you to HR on at least three separate occasions for your stalker-like behaviour, it doesn’t mean you can’t still meet up for a romantic lunch together now and again. All you need to do is obtain a copy of their photo from a security pass, blow it up several times, print it out on the photocopier et voila! You can now enjoy a romantic dinner without falling foul of any workplace grievance procedures. Just make sure you don’t get caught stealing the pass from your crush’s wallet.
5. Pasta Lavatorini
Your colleagues will never take the piss out of you again for enjoying the finer things in life if this much effort goes into preparing your lunch. You may not have a sink at your desk for straining the perfect pasta, but now you don’t even need one.
6. Fast food delivery
Why not set up a little side line as the official workplace sandwich maker? You shouldn’t have any problem delivering your produce to people in other departments.
7. The minutes(teak) from the last meeting
The steaks can be high in business, which is why you need to make sure you’re giving your body what it needs to get you through the working day. If a decent minute steak helps you to keep the company tills ringing, then why not simply use a female colleague’s hair dryer to knock up some lunchtime sustenance? The only question will be whether you want it well done, medium hair or blew?
8. Put cutter on your sandwiches
You may not have an abundance of cutlery in your office or alternatively, you might be a bit partial to eating sandwiches so large that nothing less than industrial equipment will do to remove the crusts. Whatever the reason, a paper cutter is just as useful for preparing sandwiches as it is for slicing sheets of A4.
9. Wotsit all about anyway?
If you have an abundance of leftover crisps from the office Christmas party, why not use them as padding when you’re shipping fragile products? It’ll help to reduce your breakages and your customers will love you for giving them an extra treat with every item they purchase from you. Just make sure you don’t use a strong flavour like pickled onion or scampi.