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Bookie - The W1nners' Club

William Hill – ‘Customer friendly,’ results are bad for business


William Hill has suffered a £20 million fall in profits due to betting, ‘favourites,’ being genuinely better than everyone else competing in the field.


Despite offering short odds and calling them, ‘favourites,’ the bookmaker is confused as to why people continually place bets on them – never mind the fact that they actually keep on winning.

William Hill’s Head of Accumulators Mr. Burlington Bertie said, “The bookies are due a run of good luck soon. I mean, Chelsea beating Bournemouth? Who the hell would bet on that? I know they were odds on favourites and therefore most likely to win, but that’s not in the spirit of bookmaking is it? Manchester United, Manchester City, Liverpool – when was the last time any of that lot won a game of football? If sporting results keep on being so unexpected by being so completely predictable, we’ll end up bankrupt!”

Despite having what is arguably the most flawed business model since Pyramid Marketing Schemes were first concocted, William Hill remains confident it can turn around its fortunes in 2017 by convincing customers that Leicester City might win the league again, Elvis is alive and well teaching Kenyan youngsters to play the Djembe in a remote part of East Africa and porcine flight is indeed possible.

“If you look gambling up in the dictionary the definition says, ‘the taking of a risky action in the hope of a desired result.’ The problem for us is that betting isn’t risky anymore. Punters are having a field day because a favourite is the actual favourite at the moment, whereas in the real world the, ‘favourite,’ is usually a three-legged blind horse with a compulsion to run backwards – the one we tell everyone is a dead cert.”

William Hill insists the recent run of, ‘customer friendly,’ results is nothing more than a blip and the gambling industry will soon return to its time-honoured tradition of trying to convince the world that Celtic might not win the Scottish Premiership this year.

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