Whitbread admit the, ‘bread,’ contained in its name may not actually be gluten free.
Despite making repeated claims to the contrary on numerous occasions and customers coming away from Sunday lunches at Table Table with anaphylactic shock, the restaurant chain has always insisted the bread contained in its name is safe to be spoken about by people with coeliac disease.
Whitbread’s Chief Nutritional Officer Mrs. Di Gestion said, “We honestly and wholeheartedly believed in good faith that the diarohhea, excessive wind and constipation customers suffered after eating at our restaurants was down to the chef, but after careful scientific analysis we concede that traces of gluten may sometimes be found in a part of our name. This was a genuine mistake and we sincerely apologise to customers if this resulted in any undue flatulence after paying their bill.”
Whitbread confirmed that most of the bread contained in the name, ‘Whitbread Inns,’ had been responsibly sourced from a gluten free supplier, but that there were still traces of barley, wheat and rye found lodged between the letters, ‘b,’ ‘r,’ ‘e,’ and ‘a,’ from a time before the act of asking if there’s a gluten free option at a restaurant became fashionable.
The restaurant chain has stated that all letterheads, signs, promotional stationery, beer mats, till receipts and bar towels will be replaced to ensure that every time a customer sees the word, ‘Whitbread,’ it doesn’t cause any unnecessary bloating of the stomach, however patrons must be aware that the company accepts no liability for cramps suffered by gluten-sensitive people that steal branded pint glasses.
Jewish and Muslim customers have expressed relief at the forthright and honest way the company has handled its latest scandal and many in the respective communities have brushed the error aside stating they would rather this than something more serious like putting pork into a beef lasagne, for example.
“We want our customers to be comfortable saying our name out loud and unlike yoga or knitting on the tube, having a gluten-free name is more than a passing fad to indulge the sensibilities of trendy urban types that want to appear current,’ Mrs. Gestion added.