WH Smith is championing spoof humour literature as the potential saviour of the English Language.
At a time in the development of linguistics when phrases such as, ‘LOL,’ ‘LOOL,’ ‘PMSL,’ and ‘;-)’ qualify as satisfactory modes of communication between human beings, the book and stationery retailer is throwing its considerable weight behind the genre in an attempt to prevent language dying altogether.
WH Smith’s Head of Literature Retail, Mr. Ali Gorey said, “The brutal truth is, no fucker knows how to use language anymore because the emoji is far more efficient – innit. Why tell your partner that you’re, ‘perplexed at the misrepresentations made hitherto in relation to the quantity of legal tender disbursed at the hen weekend,’ when you can send her an angry face emoji and a dollar sign. Our sales figures have shown that nobody reads anything unless it either looks like Pacman or is a spoof reimagining of something you were forced to read at infant school.”
Sales of spoof titles such as, ‘Five on Brexit Island,’ ‘Five Give up the Booze,’ and the ‘Ladybird Books for Grown-Ups,’ series, have forced WH Smith to reconsider what sort of publications they hold in stock going forward.
“We will be stocking spoof versions of pretty much every book that wasn’t written by Jeffrey Archer – partly because there’s no need to spoof Archer, but mainly because customers don’t seem to be able to stomach a decent story unless it includes post-modern references juxtaposed with antiquated imagery to create humour manifested as an anachronism,” Mr Gorey added rather verbosely.
Among the new titles the retailer will be stocking are:
- Whore and Piss – Five Russian Prostitutes meet up in a hotel with the future US President.
- The Great Gutsby – A mysterious millionaire joins a gym after failing to lose weight on the Atkins diet.
- Moby Dick – A retired DJ and electronic dance music producer tries to convince the world to become vegan.
- Hamlet – A young and upwardly mobile couple decide to try their hand at developing and renting properties near West Ham tube station.
- One Hundred years of Solihull – the multi-generational story of the Kaur family, whose patriarch runs an off licence in the fictional town of Bermingham.
- The Adventures of Huckleberry Fintech – A young software engineer brought up by his alcoholic father, struggles to fit in at his new job in a start-up tech unicorn.
- LOL-ita – A middle aged school teacher begins an illicit affair with a pupil on Facebook messenger.
The proliferation of the spoof humour genre has enraged some literary critics who see it as nothing more than an extension of the fake news phenomenon that is currently gripping the internet – something the W1nners’ Club would like to see stamped out as soon as we’ve paid our mortgages off possible!