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surface to air missile - The W1nners' Club

Walmart: the new back to school range is expected to blow up in the market place


Walmart will include Patriot, Stinger and S-300 surface to air missiles as part of its ‘back to school’ range of products this year.


The retailer recently identified the school age demographic as a potentially lucrative market for hi tech military hardware items that will complement the sale of lunch boxes, pencil cases, Erasers and ring binders.

Walmart’s Head of School Age Weapons Systems Mr. Phil Metal-Jacket said, “It’s important that parents equip their children properly for the rigours of life in the education system. There’s no point buying your child the latest Peppa Pig rucksack for the new school year if it isn’t stuffed full of hollow point bullets that are designed to expand on impact – thus maximising the diameter of an entry wound. We are currently negotiating with various suppliers in the back to school sector to ensure that we are able to equip every child with a full complement of heavy weaponry in time for the start of the new term.”

Walmart has already commenced with the marketing campaign for its back to school heavy machine gun range of product lines, and the company has earned considerable exposure in the press and on social media for its ‘Own the school year like a hero,’ ad creative that features an assortment of weapons like the 0.50 caliber tripod mounted M2 Browning machine gun and customisable AK-47 assault rifle with holographic weapon sight.

Walmart is the largest seller of firearms in the US and displays guns visibly on the shop floor to all its customers, including children because ultimately, no child wants to be the only kid in class that turns up for the new year without owning the latest M-57 frag grenade.

“We’ve got loads of awesome new products that kids will be taking into the classroom on the first day of term this year. There’s the Harry Potter M252 Mortar, the Beauty and the Beast XM2010 Enhanced Sniper Rifle and a particular favourite of mine that I think will be a massive hit with grandparents is the PSS-14 Mine Detector that has just been launched by the company behind the film Frozen,” Mr. Metal-Jacket added.


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