The Great British public has predictably voted for Crispy McCrispface to be introduced as a new Walkers crisp flavour even though it was never actually presented as a choice on the ballot paper.
Walkers, having clearly not learnt what happens when you place important decisions in the hands of the electorate, decided to call a ‘crisp referendum’ in the mistaken and frankly naïve belief that the democratic process is the best way to make decisions that will affect everybody for generations to come.
Walkers’ Head of Ill-Judged Plebiscites Mrs. Anne Archy said, “Our original intention was to let the people decide if some of our traditional flavours like Smoky Bacon, Salt and Vinegar and Prawn Cocktail were still relevant in modern times, but as with the Brexit referendum, we ultimately ended up with a result that was in theory always possible, but which the experts never actually believed the public in their right mind would go for.”
Walkers have confirmed that approximately 52% of the ballot papers in the crisp referendum were spoiled due to the fact that people had scribbled things all over them like, ‘Lime and Black Pepper will encourage immigration,’ ‘Paprika and Bacon was invented by Muslims,’ and ‘We need traditional British flavours, not fancy European ones like Cheddar.’
Experts are unclear what the flavour Crispy McCrispface should actually taste like, and some flavourists have suggested that another referendum should be held to decide if it should be more like Smoky Bacon, Salt and Vinegar or indeed Prawn Cocktail – thus highlighting the fact that you can always count on a public vote to get you to the right decisions.
“As the people of Zimbabwe, Russia, North Korea and Syria will tell you, a properly managed plebiscite is important if you want to get the right result. At least in those countries they know what the election result will be before the bloody thing even takes place!” Mrs. Archy added.