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Gran Turismo - The W1nners' club

Gran Turismo – The Volkswagen Polo gets unlocked on level three

 

Volkswagen were caught up in a fresh scandal yesterday when a small child playing Gran Turismo was discovered hiding in the boot of one of its self-driving car prototypes.

 

Europe’s biggest car manufacturer said that autonomous vehicles would be at the heart of its turnaround plan and the latest shocking revelations have cast serious doubt over whether the software they claim to be developing is in fact just a USB connection to the little cherub’s Play Station 4.

Volkswagen’s Head of Brand Relations, Mr. Earnest Apology said, “It appears we may have cocked up again. When we said we were developing driverless technology – strictly speaking we haven’t misled anyone, but we concede that rigging our steering wheels to a little kid’s PS4 falls far short of the standards expected. As long as we’re testing the vehicle on the Nürburgring and the child has managed to unlock that particular level on Gran Turismo, it shouldn’t be too much of an issue. We do concur however that problems may arise if the car is being tested on Nürburgring and the child hasn’t made it past Silverstone Level 2 yet.”

Consumer confidence in Volkswagen has been shattered by the latest revelations and the company’s share price has taken a wobble as their promise to invest in new technology simply means persuading more youngsters to get into the boot of a Sedan.

A spokesman from the DVLA said, “How can we be sure that the wheels on a Volkswagen are actually wheels? Then there’s the engine. How do we know that when you press the accelerator pedal, a set of legs won’t appear like in an episode of The Flinstones? The very concept of a car has been completely subverted by their dishonesty. When they claim fuel economy, they are only really being economical with the truth.”

Questions have also been raised about the long term viability of Volkswagen’s plan once the child in the boot has completed all levels of Gran Turismo.

“They’ll probably want to play, ‘Call of Duty Infinite Warfare,’ which may cause serious traffic safety issues,” said the DVLA source.

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