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Indian take away - The W1nners' Club

Vince Cable – will announce a new Madras manifesto at the Paratha party conference….


Vince Cable has called for the government to issue vindaloo visas and poppadum passes so that people of his age can obtain free access to a decent curry now and again.


The Liberal Democrat leader used a speech at the British Curry Awards to back the move to get more retired people eating Indian take aways so that they can reap the benefits of being as fit as a fiddle and as strong as an ox just like the septuagenarian politician is.

The Liberal Democrat spokesperson for Onion Bhaji side orders, Mrs. Tamara Ind said, “Mr. Cable has been eating curry all his life – which is a bloody long time. No one gets to look like him at his age without eating at least a couple of curries a few times a week. Whilst you might not see him pissed up on Manchester’s Wilmslow Road these days ordering the hottest thing on the menu so that he can win a fiver off his mates, he still swears by the fact that the reason why he looks like a prematurely aged twenty five year old is down to the amount of curry he has eaten in his life.”

Mr. Cable has proposed that instead of issuing the elderly with standard bus passes, the poppadum bus pass will grant free travel to anywhere in the country so long as it is for the purpose of visiting an Indian take away.

The Lib Dem leader has also proposed the introduction of a vindaloo visa for older people that would like to travel to India to sample the exquisite curry dishes that are on offer over there.

“There’s a whole host of new ideas the Lib Dems would like to introduce if we get elected at the next election. We’d introduce a Tikka Masala Travel Card for people wanting to sample Indian food in London, a Biriyani boarding pass for people who want to come to the UK to eat curry – but this would only be granted if they already have a Rogan Josh right of entry of course. Finally, any illegal immigrants will be issued with a Dhansak deportation order if they are caught working illegally without a Jalfrezi job permit,” Mrs. Ind added.


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