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US Bacon Shortage - The W1nners' Club

US Bacon Shortage – any Muslim seen within 15 metres of a dead pig will be shot on sight

 

US President Donald Trump signed an executive order temporarily banning the sale of all bacon in the United States to members of the Muslim community.

 

The move has sparked confusion at supermarkets, butchers and deli counters across the US – not least because the consumption of pork is not practiced by members of the Muslim faith.

US Homeland Security Secretary Mrs. Cece Teevey said, “reserves of frozen pork belly, from which bacon is cut are now at an all-time low and the President has signed an executive order temporarily banning the sale of bacon to citizens of seven majority Muslim countries for 90 days.”

Bacon is a staple feature of many Americans’ breakfasts, burgers and barbecues and Trump’s executive order calls for citizens from Iraq, Syria, Iran, Sudan, Libya, Somalia and Yemen to desist from purchasing bacon until the US’ depleted reserves return to their previous levels.

Trump’s order sparked an immediate backlash and created chaos and outrage – partly because people that practise the Muslim faith have been left wondering what the hell is going on in the President’s mind, but also because any Muslim seen eating a sandwich in public now has to prove what filling is inside it to state department officials.

Citizens of the seven target countries who hold permanent US residency “green cards” will not be barred from purchasing bacon as was previously thought, but officials also clarified that dual citizens who are also nationals of one of the seven target nations will be subject to additional security screenings if they want to purchase anything more than an 8 rasher pack of unsmoked back bacon – pancetta is apparently off limits.

Restaurant chains like Wendy’s and McDonald’s have contributed to an increase in demand for bacon after introducing all-day breakfast menus and over the past few years bacon has featured in a range of new dishes from bacon ice cream to bacon smoothies, although the President has stated that this should not distract people from America’s single biggest threat in the world today – Muslim terrorists that enjoy a good bacon sarnie to help cure their hangovers.

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