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ugly footballers - The W1nners' Club

Ugly Footballers – Better at smashing mirrors than the ball into the net


Ugly footballers playing in the Premier League have demanded HMRC cracks down on the use of tax avoidance schemes that tend to benefit some of their better looking colleagues.


A recent W1nners’ Club investigation found that some players are taking advantage of an arrangement with the taxman that minimises the amount paid on a player’s, ‘image rights,’ earnings – a completely unfair situation if you look anything like Diego Costa.

Professional Football Association Image Rights Consultant Mr. Ian Dorsement said, “Players can save themselves hundreds of thousands of pounds on earnings from image rights by setting up companies, but players like Charlie Adam who looked like they were ready to retire before they joined the under-14s are at a major disadvantage. Joe Hart’s hair probably earned more in image rights last season than Jon Flanagan and Mezut Ozil ever will in their entire career put together and this is frankly not fair. All footballers should have as equal an opportunity to avoid paying tax as each other.”

The number of premiership footballers registering businesses has shot up ever since HM revenue & Customs agreed to allow players to treat up to 20% of their wages as image rights payments, however if like Wayne Rooney you resemble Shrek with a bowl of shredded wheat stitched onto your bonce, it’s hard to see how your image could be worth anything close to 20% of the reported £13million a year he earns.

“Olivier Giroud for example, his beard alone has its own aftershave and razor endorsement deal but what the hell are you going to pay image rights to Tom Cleverley for apart from being an extra in a really historically accurate remake of Oliver Twist? It’s completely immoral that some wealthy players have a decent chance of keeping a few thousand from the taxman on multi-million pound earnings whilst others have to pay up like the rest of society,” Mr. Dorsement added.

Retired past professionals have also raised concerns about the inherent unfairness of the rules and it is rumoured both Martin Keown and Steve Ogrizovic will form part of a delegation that will meet with the tax authorities to lobby on behalf of less aesthetically blessed footballers.

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