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money down the toilet - The W1nners' Club

UBS – most of the bank’s customers are feeling pretty flush at the moment….


Swiss bank UBS will pay to unblock the toilets at one of its branches using wads of Euro banknotes that are currently blocking the toilets in question.


Tens of thousands in 500 Euro banknotes are currently clogging up the sewer system around the branch in Geneva, but executives at the bank are relieved that at least there will be cash available to pay for a plumber to sort the problem out.

UBS’s Head of Janitorial Services Mrs. Dee Tergent said, “We have some pretty wealthy customers that regularly visit the branch, but I can’t for the life of me work out why somebody would want to empty their account and flush all their money down the loo. Whilst such an act of profligacy has indeed got everybody talking by generating lots of interest, you’d get a rate of at least 4.9% if you stuck it in one of our savings accounts.”

The damage caused by the blockage is thought to amount to several thousands of Euros, but plumbing experts say this figure could have been much higher if the toilets had been blocked by used tampons – mainly because very few plumbers would accept these items as payment for coming out to fix the problem at the weekend.

Swiss investigators have confirmed the notes in question are worth tens of thousands of euros in total, but refuse to be drawn on whether or not the bank’s toilets were fully stocked up with toilet paper when the money was initially disposed of.

“It’s possible that whoever flushed all that cash away might have sat down to use the toilet and only realised when it was too late that all the loo roll was finished. In a situation like that you’d happily use whatever was immediately available to wipe your ass rather than walking around with soiled underpants all day,” Mrs. Tergent added.


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