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Uber – Forced to hail a black cab


Uber was forced to hail a black cab when its former Chief Executive refused to leave the premises unless the company paid for his ride home.


Despite having drivers that operate in over 570 cities worldwide, the technology company felt it would be bad form if its ousted CEO was seen arguing with yet another Uber driver, so instead decided to bite the bullet and call a cab for him instead.

Uber’s Head of Executive Transport Mr. Hackney Carriage said, “Unfortunately when our CEO was given a P45 and told to hand in his security pass, he said that he was refusing to leave the building unless a driver comes to collect him. Due to the turbulent period the company has experienced over the last six months, we felt it best if our brand was spared the ignominy of being seen driving around San Francisco with the Chief Executive it has just removed from position taking out his frustrations on one of our drivers, so we decided to call him a black cab as an alternative solution.”

Uber co-founder Travis Kalanick has resigned from his position as chief executive of the $68bn ride-hailing app following a tumultuous six months of scandal, however he will stay on the company’s board but will now have to either get the bus, or cycle into work every day.

A report has called on Uber to “reformulate” the company’s notorious culture and eliminate values that have been used to justify poor behaviour such as ‘always be hustling,’ ‘let the builders build,’ ‘shall we spy on Beyonce again?’ and ‘£10 says I’ll shag the new intern before you do.’

“I’ll be quite honest with you and say that whilst it might seem a bit silly sending our former CEO home in a black cab, we may be able to recoup some of our former chutzpah if Mr. Kalanick gets filmed arguing with a cabbie over whether the hijab should be banned, Arsenal will ever win the Premier league again under Arsene Wenger and whether or not Nigel Farage would make a good UK Prime Minister,” Mr. Carriage added.


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