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glass eye - The W1nners' Club

TSB – One-eyed customers have criticised the company for its lack of vision with regard to online security……


TSB customers with glass eyes have expressed their outrage at the bank’s plan to introduce iris recognition as a way of unlocking its online banking app.


TSB customers will be able to use their phone’s built-in iris scanner to log into their account by glancing at their phone instead of inputting an ID and password, but people with glass eyes have raised concerns over the fact that the average prosthetic retina can be purchased on ebay for £4.50.

One-eyed TSB online banking customer Mr. I. Ball said, “The bank keeps on telling us that iris recognition is the most secure method of online identity verification available today, but I can tell you for a fact that this isn’t true. I keep losing mine whenever I go to a heavy metal concert and get carried away when all the headbanging starts, so there’s at least four of them rolling around somewhere underneath the stage at the O2 that could potentially be used to access my account.”

Prosthetic eyes traditionally come in blue, brown, green and grey colours – thus sparking additional fears that the optically challenged may not be able to access their account on certain days if they signed up to the app wearing a brown iris and decide to check their bank balance when they happen to be wearing a green one.

Various novelty glass eyes are also available in the marketplace namely, the popular ‘Cat Eye,’ design, sparking fears that a person’s cat could theoretically log into your account and transfer cash from it – a reasonable concern given how much the average cat hates its owner deep down.

“TSB needs to get a bit more realistic about how it uses iris recognition technology for its online security. I’ve got a mate who only ever buys his glass eyes in bulk from Alibaba meaning there’s at least 200,000 people in China alone that could easily gain access to his bank account. They should consider using fingerprint scanners and voice recognition as well, unless of course you have somebody with no fingers that sounds like Stephen Hawking – in which case a password might have to suffice,” Mr. Ball added.


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