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Trump Tower - The W1nners' Club

Tiffany & Co. – Struggling to cope with the neighbours from hell


Tiffany & Co. are seeking an anti-social behaviour order against their next door neighbours The W1nners’ Club can reveal.


The once respectable Fifth Avenue in New York that was home to top tier jewellers like Cartier, Van Cleef & Arpel and Harry Winston, has been turned into a no go area because of the folk who live at number 721.

Tiffany and Co’s Building Maintenance Supervisor Mr. Mezza Neene said, “The next door neighbours have always been a bit of a handful ever since they moved in back in 1983, but ever since November things have really started to get out of hand. There’s crowds of people shouting outside their front door 24-7, police blocking the entrance to the main road, a no fly-zone over the roof and some nutcase – presumably one of their mates, tried to scale the building using nothing more than suction cups. They’re really starting to lower the tone of the area.”

Management at Tiffany & Co. have attributed a recent 14% decline in sales at the company’s flagship store on Fifth Avenue to the constant noise and disruption being caused by the undesirables living next door and as a result, have decided to get the local Council involved to see what they can do to help.

“Look, we’re not saying people shouldn’t have their mates round for the odd get together now and again, but when the police search one of them and he’s found to be in possession of firecrackers, knives and a garrotte, you have to wonder what sort of people the folk next door like to associate with. We even saw a couple of secret service agents hanging around the other day. If the CIA are getting involved then they must be a bit dodgy – Islamic terrorists perhaps?” Mr. Neene added.

ASBOs are civil orders designed to protect the public from behaviour that causes or is likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress and if granted, an order would contain conditions prohibiting the individuals at 721 Fifth Avenue from carrying out specific anti-social acts or (for example) entering defined areas.

What is not clear however is whether this would be sufficient to prevent the noisy neighbours from entering The White House.

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