MPs on the Transport Select Committee said that anyone who steals a Vauxhall Zafira should be forced to keep it as punishment.
Apart from the mortal shame of having to drive around all day in a Vauxhall, the threat of the vehicle bursting into flames at any moment should be enough to put anyone off even thinking about stealing one ever again.
Vauxhall’s Head of Anti-Theft Systems Mr. Otto Motive said, “Our Zafira B model is now arguably the safest car to own in terms of it ever being stolen. We have been working closely with the DVSA to develop a new anti-theft system that causes fires to start behind the glove box in the heating and ventilation system. Whilst this is great for deterring car thieves, the random nature of the fires means the system can sometimes prove problematic for people that are simply doing the school run or their weekly shopping.”
In October 2015, a Facebook page was launched for car thieves that are in possession of a stolen Vauxhall Zafira and need to address any safety concerns they may have about being in control of a 3 tonne incendiary device.
The page contains lots of damning phrases in the comments section like “morally reprehensible” and “reckless disregard for safety” as car crooks describe Vauxhall’s zealous approach to keeping their plunderous behaviour at bay.
“The best punishment we can think of for someone that steals a Vauxhall Zafira is to force them to drive around in it for no less than four hours a day. Whilst some people have said that this amounts to cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment as defined by the international convention on human rights, it will act as a deterrent for anyone else that considers making a living by stealing other people’s modes of personal transportation. It is the government’s official line that you’re much better off stealing a mountain bike as they won’t burst into flames every time you try to indicate at a junction,” MPs on the Transport Select Committee said.