Tesco is understood to be working on a secret plan to take on cut-price chains Aldi and Lidl by placing random products next to each other in its stores.
Aldi and Lidl have been winning shoppers from the big four supermarkets namely: Tesco, Asda, Morrisons and Sainsbury’s since the last recession, yet in all this time the retail heavyweights haven’t quite managed to get to grips with why an affluent Highgate mum would rather shop at Aldi than Waitrose.
Tesco’s Head of Marketplaces Shared by a Small Number of Sellers, Mr. Ollie Gopoly said, “for years now we’ve been scratching our heads trying to work out how the hell Aldi and Lidl do it. We send mystery shoppers around their stores, we plant spies to work at their checkout tills and still we don’t know why the average household income of an Aldi or Lidl customer is the same as that of the Principality of Monaco. Then one day we realised that it wasn’t the cheap prices or never-ending queues, but the way the products are arranged in store that ultimately wins them over.”
Retail experts claim the main differentiator between Aldi and Lidl against their competitors is the fact that you often see a pair of trainers on display next to the fruit and vegetables, which will in turn be positioned next to a lawn mower and it is this level of convenience that has shoppers returning to the discount stores in their droves.
Tesco is reported to have hired advisers from Boston Consulting Group to work on the plans for its revamped stores, with one unnamed source claiming the retailer will be investing huge sums into making sure that no logic whatsoever is applied to how its new look stores get laid out.
“The fact that Aldi and Lidl shoppers can find bottles of Prosecco next to the toothpaste means that if they are looking for Prosecco after having just placed a tube of toothpaste into their trolley – no other supermarket can compete with them in terms of convenience. We’ve already instructed our larger stores to start placing kids school uniforms in the freezer compartment next to the ice cream to ensure we’re able to claw back a bit of market share,” Mr. Gopoly added.