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bearded women - The W1nners' Club

Tesco – now offering more value follicle prices

 

Tesco has caused outrage among women with beards after cutting the price of female razors.

 

In a move intended to redress the disparity in price between male razors which cost £1 for a pack of ten, the price of female packs were slashed from £1 to 50p for a pack of five.

Head of the Bearded Women’s League Mrs. Bryony Blessed said, “In our opinion this is a total disgrace. The last thing Tesco should be doing is encouraging bearded women to shave. It’s hard enough mooching about all day looking like Karl Marx during no shave November without corporate giants like Tesco discriminating against us by suggesting our beards are anything like those worn by men. Ours are much fluffier and we tend to use beard oil before donning a pair of slippers and smoking a pipe.”

An investigation by The W1nners’ Club revealed that some high street stores are planning to cut the prices on a whole plethora of traditionally blokey products and remarket them to women by painting them pink.

Amongst the goods in question are: Gentleman’s Collar Stiffeners, Monocles, Walking Canes, Cummerbunds, Bowler Hats, Four-in-hand neck ties, Tweed breeches and Smoking Jackets.

“It’s important to women with beards that we are able to accentuate our femininity. No modern husband wants to come home after a hard day’s toil, pat his wife on the bottom and ask her what’s for dinner only to find out that she now has some kind of ridiculous goatee beard rather than the full-blown Rabbi look he’s come to know and love. By encouraging us to shave, Tesco are denying us our womanhood. They’ll probably tell us we can’t go fishing anymore next,” said Mrs Blessed.

A spokesman for Tesco said that the retailer is trying to do the right thing by its female customers and stated on record that, “women with huge beards are more than welcome in our stores. Tesco is the number one place for a bearded lady to buy her long johns and hirsute.”

 

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