office tea run - The W1nners' Club

Making tea: one of the main skills gained during an office internship

 

An investigation by Lloyds Banking Group has found that nearly 90% of tea that is consumed in the average workplace may contain intern saliva.

 

Samples of tea runs performed by interns in a selection of offices up and down the country showed that up to 90% of them contained spittle that had only been added to the drinks at some point over the previous few minutes.

Lloyds Banking Group’s Head of Orally Secreted Bodily Fluids Mrs. Sal Ivor said, “These levels of saliva should not be present at any level, even after the person whose tea it is has drunk it, let alone before they’ve even taken a sip. A thorough investigation needs to be undertaken to ascertain exactly how so much foreign saliva is entering the office food chain.”

Over 53% of interns say they spend most of their time printing and photocopying documents, whilst over a third say their day is spent making tea and picking up lunch for the boss, and whilst this is considered soul destroying, menial labour that under-employs their skills, the majority have stated that doing the tea run offers a great opportunity to redress the situation somewhat.

One popular theory put forward by scientists is that workplace cuppa tea bags may have been contaminated by saliva at the tea factory, but some experts say that this does not explain the foamy head and smug grins generally worn by interns as they place a tray full of steaming hot cups down at the end of the boss’s desk.

“Our data suggests that when tea is made by a staff member that earns a decent salary but has to make tea for the office because they are late for work, there are almost no traces of saliva in the tea before it is consumed, so that’s clearly an avenue of investigation that needs to be examined further when trying to get to the root of the problem,” Mrs. Ivor added.

 

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