Starbucks says its Unicorn Frappuccino is a more authentic flavour than the Frappuccino latte because just like Unicorns, it doesn’t actually exist.
The coffee chain faces a $10 million trademark infringement lawsuit that is being brought by The End, an independent coffee shop based in Brooklyn, New York (a place completely devoid of fictional creatures if you discount the hipsters that live there), who claim that Starbucks “stole” their drink idea and are demanding a public apology and damages.
Starbucks Head of Mythical Monster Flavours Mrs. Peggy Suss said, “We stopped selling the Unicorn Frappuccino in April so just like the Unicorn, it doesn’t exist. This therefore makes us a damn sight more accurate in terms of getting the flavour right. I’m quite looking forward to being in court and listening to somebody explain to a jury what a unicorn actually tastes like though – something akin to a mixture of Skittles and horsemeat I would imagine.”
The End debuted its “Unicorn Latte,” back in December 2016 and filed for a trademark on its new flavour that comprises cold-pressed ginger, lemon juice, dates, cashews, maca root, blue-green algae, and vanilla bean – although it’s rumoured trading standards would like to speak to the coffee shop for attempting to suggest that the aforementioned combination of ingredients tastes anything like the flesh of a fantasy equine animal.
Starbucks is rumoured to be planning an extension of its’ Frappuccinos from Ancient Folklore,’ range of products with a Minotaur Mocha, Griffin Green Tea and Chimera Chai Latte also being considered for sale.
“The only way you can create an authentic Unicorn flavoured drink is if it exists solely in people’s imagination. If you ask for a Unicorn Frappuccino at one of our coffee shops, the assistant will take your money and then tell you that we don’t sell such a ridiculous product. In our opinion this is far more honest than pretending Unicorns taste of cashew nuts and f*cking algae,” Mrs. Suss added.
The trial commences next month.