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Shazam - The W1nners' Club

Shazam – cutting edge technology but it can’t perform miracles…..


Apple has finally admitted that Shazam doesn’t work properly if you try to find out the name of a song that your dad also happens to be singing along to at the same time.


The US tech company said Shazam was a natural fit for its Apple Music streaming service, but conceded that the music discovery app’s cutting edge technology was not yet advanced enough to decipher the random tonality of a middle aged bloke singing along to the radio whilst doing a spot of painting over a bank holiday weekend.

Apple’s Head of Tone Deaf Warbling Mrs. Bea Sharpe said, “Apple Music and Shazam share a passion for music discovery and delivering great music experiences to our users, but this enthusiasm is unfortunately not yet sufficient to handle the range of discordant mumbling that accompanies the average father singing along to Dire Straits’ Brothers in Arms album whilst driving the car on a family day trip to the seaside. Our algorithm is good, but not that f*cking good!”

Apple has paid a figure of about $400m for the London based app, but this is less than half the $1bn the app was last valued at when it tapped investors for cash in 2015 and it is thought that the reason for this is because it becomes useless if your old man happens to be doing any DIY in the vicinity whilst listening to Fleetwood Mac.

The purchase is Apple’s biggest acquisition since it bought headphones company Beats Electronics for $3bn in 2014, but the company has conceded that even Dr. Dre would struggle to make a decent track out of the average father’s a-tonal crooning when he drunkenly decides to enter the karaoke competition on holiday in Mallorca.

“Music is defined as vocal or instrumental sounds that are combined in such a way as to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion – so the Shazam app’s inability to decipher a piece of music when your dad is singing along to it is to be expected really,” Mrs. Sharpe added.


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