Selfridges has just commissioned a rewrite of the classic Christmas song, ’12 days of Christmas’ to include 147 separate items that are currently available in stock.
The track was commissioned to mark the opening of the company’s annual festive shop this week and despite the opening verses being sung on Monday in the London store’s Oxford Street location, the closing lines aren’t expected to be heard until somewhere around March of next year.
Selfridges Head of Christmas Beginning in the Middle of Summer Mrs. Carol Singing said, “It might be a full five months until the festive season but we’ve overstocked on so many Christmas items this year that we’ll need to start advertising them early on. By commissioning a rewrite of ’12 days of Christmas’ and starting 147 days early, we’ll at least be able to squeeze a few more product lines into the song in the hope that people start doing their Christmas shopping a bit earlier this year.”
Traditionalists have slammed the new version of the song and described it as a ‘shameless derogation of long held traditions’ citing the line: “139 Hanging ornament Holly-and-berry motif glitter Christmas tree decorations 10cm, available for £10 whilst stocks last,” as one example among 135 others of the over-commercialisation of the much-loved ditty.
The food products featured in the song’s rewrite have been specially selected for their long shelf life due to a combination of water, sugar and alcohol levels and most of them can be found in Selfridges outside of the department store’s unilaterally sanctioned lengthening of Yuletide in the wine and spirits section of the store.
“Minus the 12 verses that you hear in the normal song, our new version contains 18,090 verses all of which feature products that are available for sale at the Selfridges festive store. I think it’s fair to say that by the time we finish the song it’ll be time to start all over again for the following year’s festivities,” Mrs. Singing added.