The facial recognition system in the new Samsung S8 smartphone may require glasses before it can be used properly.
The facial recognition technology which includes an iris-scanner, can be used to unlock the phone simply by looking at it – unfortunately however, the phone has the equivalent eyesight of a bat with cataracts that’s also wearing a sleep mask.
Samsung’s Head of Smartphone Blindness Mrs. Mia Opia said, “The Samsung S8 is the first flagship smartphone with iris recognition but unfortunately it’s eyesight is so bad that it couldn’t hit a barn door with a bulldozer. We’ve shown it pictures of Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington and the bloody thing thinks it’s the same f*cking person. It’s becoming clear that we have to develop special glasses for the S8 before the technology can be used safely by the phone’s owners.”
‘Hackers’, at the Chaos Computer Club – a specialist technology research collective, have already shown that by simply protruding your lower jaw, it’s possible to fool the phone into thinking you’re Kanye West.
S8 owners have expressed concern at the potential cost of replacing a pair of Smartphone spectacles if their phone is ever dropped, but Samsung have assured customers that the glasses they will use are likely to be of the cheap NHS variety rather than a trendy pair of Prada – as a result of this therefore, the specs will be accompanied by a healthy supply of band aids to tape up the arms in the event of an accident.
“The manufacturer of our biometric solution is a company called Princeton Identity Inc. They developed our facial recognition system that was supposed to secure individual user authentication by using the unique pattern of the human iris. It’s now becoming quite clear however that we should have gone to Specsavers,” Mrs. Opia added.