Samsung executives admitted yesterday to never having bought a bag of magic mushrooms from a dodgy bloke on Brixton High Street and ending up in the Dogstar until 5am.
An arm of the technology giant has elected not to set up its European headquarters in London because the city is “not a fun place to live unless you are really rich,” but concedes that there may be alternative ways to find entertainment besides going for dinner at Claridge’s.
Samsung’s Head of Expensive Dining Mrs. Char Cuterie said, “We admit that we may have got it wrong in saying that you can’t have a good time in London unless you’re loaded. We weren’t aware that people regularly go to ‘pound in the pot’ strip clubs like Brown’s on Old Street during their lunch hour at work, so this is something that we as a company perhaps need to investigate further.”
The company has said that Berlin had originally been selected as the new headquarters for its Samsung Next Europe £117 million technology fund, but may consider staying in the UK capital now that its aware that you can take your own booze to certain Indian restaurants on Brick Lane.
Samsung says it had always been under the impression that London was virtually impossible to live in for people wanting to have children, but since finding out you can take your kids to the pub with you for Sunday Lunch, the company concedes that all day drinking sessions are not necessarily the sole preserve of childless couples.
“Getting off your face at the 333 in Shoreditch, smoking weed on Clapham Common in the middle of summer, or ending up at one of those dingy Soho massage parlours in the early hours – there are lots of ways to have fun in London without necessarily spending a fortune. Despite the fact that Berlin is more affordable, we concede that there’s nothing quite like having to listen to someone playing dubstep on their mobile phone loudspeaker on the night bus home to Ilford,” Mrs. Cuterie added.