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Mobile phones in jail - The W1nners' Club

Mobile phones in jail are commonplace among Korea criminals

 

Samsung boss Mr. Lee Jae-yong was caught smuggling mobile phones in jail after an explosion was heard as prisoners queued for their evening meal.

 

The Electronics company’s heir apparent was detained on suspicion of bribery, embezzlement and perjury in relation to South Korea’s president Park Geun-hye. He was found in possession of a Galaxy Note 7 that was hidden inside a part of his person that cannot be revealed for reasons of decency, after being propelled several feet into the air whilst attempting to sit down holding a food tray.

South Korea’s Minister of Corrections Mr. Lok Yu-Up said, “We can confirm that Mr. Lee was caught with a smuggled mobile phone on B wing, although why he decided to bring a Galaxy Note 7 into the jail is anyone’s guess. Presumably Samsung only have enough unsold units of that particular model left in stock at the moment?”

Since being taken into custody, Mr. Lee has proved a hit with fellow lags on account of his ability to supply more Gear and Tablets than even the most notorious drug kingpins in the jail – although some have said that the virtual reality you get from doing a load of spice is far superior to one of Samsung’s entry level VR headsets.

Imprisoning Mr. Lee has proved particularly challenging for the Korean authorities, not least because Samsung manufacture the CCTV cameras that monitor convicts in the jail, the TV screens the CCTV footage is viewed on, the printers used to print release forms and the cooking appliances used in the prison kitchen.

“It’s a fucking nightmare,” said Mr. Lok. “Mr. Lee knows all the passwords to every electrical device in the prison. Try locking someone up with a state of the art automated security system when he knows all the system overrides – it’s like trying to jail Houdini!”

Prison authorities have refuted the theory that Mr. Lee may have smuggled a Galaxy Note 7 into the cell block to aide an escape attempt by blowing a hole in the perimeter wall, as Samsung have advised all owners of the faulty devices to turn them off and stop using them – even if they’re in prison.

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