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Sainsbury’s staff – experience in a bricks and mortar store a plus


Sainsbury’s staff officially signed off from work were caught moonlighting at the Chairman’s house working on his barn conversion during work hours.


At least five checkout girls were being used as bricklayers and staff from the deli counter, the bakery and the frozen food section were also found at the address wearing hard hats, rigger boots and reading a copy of the Daily Sport.

Sainsbury’s Head of staff absences Mrs. Ann Ualleve said, “This is a total disgrace. Here’s me signing off everybody’s maternity leave and as soon as they’re out the door, they stick on a pair of muddy work boots and a fluorescent safety jacket, then pop down to the Chairman’s house to earn a bit extra on the side. I’ve just signed one person off with a back injury and they’ve been working down at the gaffer’s place as a fucking hod carrier!”

The Sainsbury’s Chairman insists he has not benefitted financially from using staff to do extensive building work on his property, although getting an 18 year-old student from the cigarette kiosk to do your electrical wiring has been seen by some as a cynical cost-cutting measure.

Staff that are usually responsible for rounding up trolleys from the car park as part of their day job are rumoured to have been used to run wheelbarrows full of cement up planks of wood, as they have an innate ability to steer wheeled containers that go in the opposite direction you want them to.

The scandal first came to light when a neighbour in the Chairman’s street spotted one of the supermarket chain’s online delivery drivers leaving the premises with a basket full of bricks and got suspicious – although it later transpired that he had simply got the delivery wrong from the building store.

“The Chairman has been handed down a formal written warning for material breaches of our policy on conflicts of interest, although the person that handed him the warning is also responsible for sorting out his in tray so it’s unlikely he’ll ever see it,” Mrs. Ualleve added.

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