Ryanair says its customers have completely taken the piss of late by taking advantage of its relaxed attitude to hand luggage.
The budget airline has been infamous in the past for viewing customers as nothing more than an unfortunate hindrance in an otherwise enjoyable and highly profitable business operation.
Ryanair’s Head of Customer Service Mr. Col Centre said, “Up until 2013, you’d be lucky to bring your wallet onto a Ryanair flight without having to pay a £60 excess baggage charge but then we realised we weren’t being very nice so decided to loosen the reigns a bit. Ever since then customers have been treating our luggage hold like a f*cking Chinese shipping container – you’d think we were called Hapag-Lloyd the way they carry on!”
As a result of delays, Ryanair says it will reverse its, ‘generous,’ two-cabin-bag allowance unless travellers start to show a bit more respect for the laws of physics and stop taking more baggage on board than you would for an expedition to the North Pole.
“We’re too bloody nice that’s the problem! I see customers turning up at Stanstead Airport with so much luggage, the only thing missing from their entourage is a couple of elephants and a Sherpa. The only planes we have that don’t get delayed as a result of fisticuffs breaking out amongst a hen party from East Grinstead as 12 inebriated passengers try to stuff the overhead lockers with enough personal baggage to make Kerry Katona appear level-headed – are the ones still being built at the factory,” Mr. Centre added.
The airline currently permits one cabin bag with a maximum volume of 44 litres, plus a smaller bag of up to 14 litres aboard the aircraft – a level of niceness customers should show eternal gratitude for by sacrificing their children according to an official statement.
Ryanair’s, “Always Getting Better,” campaign, an attempt at improving the company’s reputation in relation to how it deals with customers, may soon be rehashed into the more airline friendly, “You’re only a customer – don’t take the f*cking piss!” if passengers don’t realise how lucky they are to fly no frills and start acting accordingly.