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rail season ticket - The W1nners' Club

Rail season ticket – often used to purchase illegal weapons online….


Investors have been offloading their bitcoins en masse in favour of buying a rail season ticket The W1nners’ Club can reveal.


Prices have increased by 3.4% across the UK in the biggest increase to train fares since 2013 and savvy speculators have realised that this makes the average rail season ticket more profitable than bitcoin if you eat your breakfast at home rather than wasting money on an Egg McMuffin every morning.

The Department of Transport’s Head of Tapping in and Tapping Out Mr. Trevor L. Card said, “The rate at which the average rail season ticket has increased in price over the last few years certainly puts bitcoin to shame. Even the Winklevoss twins have purchased a Camberley to London Waterloo annual railcard each because they’re pretty sure that the price will continue to rise significantly for the foreseeable future. The reason why rail season tickets are considered a more sound investment than bitcoin is mainly because with a railcard there’s absolutely no hope whatsoever of the price ever decreasing at any point in the future.”

Many commuters have seen their rail season ticket prices go up by more than £100 since the start of 2018 and currency experts say that if you bought a standard monthly railcard between Leeds and Huddersfield in 2017 – this could now be worth as much as a major shareholding in the train company that runs the actual service, whilst still leaving you enough spare cash to buy a platform drink vending machine and one of those weird sticks the station staff use to remove people’s mobile phones from the track when they drop them after a night out on the sauce.

Chairman and CEO of JP Morgan Chase Mr. Jamie Dimon has already stated that people who have purchased an annual rail season ticket are ‘stupid’ and will pay the price for it one day, but rail commuters hit back saying that they already pay an absolute bloody fortune just to be able to get to work and the current trends suggest the price increases won’t be slowing down any time soon – if ever!

“Bitcoin now has a cash value of over £11,000 whereas an annual rail season ticket between Liverpool and Manchester is £3,152, meaning you’re more likely to see considerable price gains if you put your cash into the train ticket because that’s guaranteed to keep increasing irrespective of supply and demand,” Mr. Card added.


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